Format: Quit Claim for Departing Yayas

RELEASE WAIVER AND QUITCLAIM

KNOW ALL MEN BY THESE PRESENTS:

That I, (Yaya Name), Filipino, of legal age, a resident of (Yaya Residence Address), and formerly employed with (Employer’s Name), do by these presents acknowledge that I have already received my full payment and final settlement of the (financial assistance or separation pay, overtime pay, salary or salaries, wage or wages, commutable sick and vacation leaves, gratuities or any kind of compensation or emoluments) due to me or which may be due to me from (Employer’s Name) under the law or under any existing agreement with respect thereto, as well as any and all claims of whatever kind and nature which I have or may have against (Employer’s Name), arising from my employment with (and the termination of my employment with) (Employer’s Name).

In consideration of this agreement, I do hereby acknowledge this quitclaim, and will waive any and all actions of whatever nature, expected, real or apparent, which I may have against (Employer’s Name).  I will institute no action, whether civil, criminal, labor or administrative against (Employer’s Name). Any and all actions which I may have commenced either solely in my name against (Employer’s Name) are hereby deemed and considered voluntary withdrawn by me and I will no longer testify or continue to prosecute said action(s).

I declare that I have read this document and have fully understood its contents.  I further declare that I voluntarily and willingly executed this Release, Waiver and Quitclaim with full knowledge of my rights under the law.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand at Current Address, this ___ day of (Month) 2019.

_______________________________________
(Yaya Complete Name)

SIGNED IN THE PRESENCE OF

_______________________        ______________________

I also use this document for all other employees departing our employ. Word Document can be downloaded here: QuitClaim – Generic

Additional: 10 Tips in Looking for a Yaya Online

10 Tips in Looking for a Yaya Online

As agencies have increased their fees to now Php 6,000 to Php 18,000 for every successful referral, there is a need to be more self-sufficient in finding yayas on our own.

“But I would rather wait to get a referral from someone I know,”  some mommies would say. “At least they can be trusted and not steal.”

Well, many mommies end up NOT having a yaya anymore, and end up taking care of their own kids themselves.

I don’t have that option. I work full time, and I need to take care of our business. I need a yaya, and am willing to do whatever means necessary to get a yaya, including opening myself up online.

Anyway, even the best yaya agencies source their yayas online. So why not if possible save on the fees and search online as well?

Over the last month, I have interviewed at least 10 serious applicants for the yaya position, hired 3 and browsed through at least 25 applicants. I am no expert, but at the end of this adventure, I have done more interviewing of yayas than I should in a lifetime.

Here are my tips in searching for a Yaya Online.

1. Hire someone who is at between 28 to 60 years old.

If the yaya is too young: If the yaya is only 17, you would need parental consent before allowing her to come and work for you.

If she is between 18 to 21, she is only coming to you for experience and really isn’t serious about working. My sister in law’s yaya is 18, and spends a lot of her evenings talking to her partner, making her always exhausted when working the next day.

Her last newborn yaya who was still looking for love got pregnant by the houseboy. The baby is expected to come out mid this year. Maricel only stayed for 1.5 months, got pregnant, and is not at home resting as she doesn’t want to work anymore.

If the yaya is too old: They tend to be slow, forgetful and sometimes stubborn. You have to be patient and repeat your instructions in a very clear manner. If they are wrong, you can’t shout at them, but have to talk to them in a still respectful manner.

Since I am looking for a yaya to my 3-year old daughter, I need someone who can keep up with her. This means that I cannot find a yaya who is too young (who will only look at the cellphone) or too old (who cannot run around with her).

It’s the Goldilocks principle. For yayas, you cannot get them too young, or too old. They have to be just the right age.

The right age varies from employer to employer. For me, it’s 28 years old to 55 years old.

At 28 years old, they have most likely had 1-2 kids from 1-2 different fathers, so they’re less likely to have more children since the realities of taking care of a lot of kids are more real to them.

A yaya in her 30s are already more serious in finding a job for keeps since she has mouths to feed and she understands that her husband’s income is insufficient in providing for her family. She works because she loves her kids. If she doesn’t work, her family would starve.

2. Sorry, just a personal preference, but I want a yaya who is not too pretty or sexy.

This is unacceptable for us — yayas who post sexy photos on Facebook.

This means that if the yayas post photos of herself showing off her legs, boobs or tattoos, I am no longer interested in them.

We live in an area where there are a lot of construction workers, traffic enforcers and security guards, all of which try to get in our yaya’s pants whenever possible, despite being married and having kids. That’s just the way it is.

Our previous yaya was fired because she was dating the married traffic enforcer in our area while on duty. I caught her the second time having tryst with the traffic enforcer in a darkened area before firing her.

Stories of the driver or the houseboy dating and impregnating the yayas are too common in their own good.

To make it safe for everyone, I choose yayas who are not that attractive. Just my personal preference, if her photo includes of her in a spaghetti strap, she’s off my list.

Yes, this applicant was applying to be a yaya in our household. She is way too pretty to be a yaya. 🙂

3. I hire people who are actually unemployed. Meaning, they are not looking of transferring employers while still employed with the others. I don’t hire yayas who are still employed with others. 

I had applicants who applied with me while still being employed with others. Their reason for switching?

• Higher salary which is understandable.
• Not liking their current employers because of (insert reason here).
• Complaining about their current work.
• The best? “I only stay here because I am merely tolerating my boss. In fact, I have wanted to switch ever since.”
• Gee… if you are like that to your current boss, then how will you be when you switch? Will you snitch on me too?
• Among other reasons…

There are cases when the complaints are valid. If you have been in a household for years and are still paid peanuts, YOU SHOULD LEAVE.

But on many cases, the complaints stem from a yaya who is unsatisfied with her lot. It is a red flag for me that this yaya has a tendency to complain despite knowing what she was getting into in the first place.

This is because salary, benefits and work conditions are usually disclosed to the yaya during interview. Before they start, a yaya should ask all questions necessary to ensure that they know what they are getting themselves in. In other words, Pinili mo yan (You chose your fate). Hence, you should barring extreme circumstances, enjoy your lot instead of endlessly complaining about it.

In my personal opinion, I prefer yayas who actually like the situation they bring themselves in. I don’t like yayas who keep on complaining about their situation especially since it was their choice to enter these situations in the first place.

A leopard never really changes her spots.

If they complain there, they will also complain once they are in my household. And I don’t want the peace in our household be destroyed because of one yaya’s discontent.

In addition, I also don’t choose these women who are still employed with others because of delicadeza. This means that just because I am in desperate need, I would pirate another person’s yaya and cause her misery in looking for a replacement.

There are still many applicants who need jobs out there. Would rather pick someone else than to harm another household because of my own dire need.

4. I hire yayas who are okay with my conditions namely:

1. Rest days two days (48 hours a month) a month: I do NOT agree if the yaya wants weekly rest days. Nothing wrong with weekly rest days, but having them leave every week is a hassle and a security risk for me. Please note that I pay for the two rest days not taken, which is in accordance with the Kasambahay Law.
2. No emergency rest days. We follow the schedule of two rest days per month. Anything above that is a no, except if someone died. Before hiring the yaya, I always ask them if they have their family affairs in order. I do not hire anyone who will disappear from work whenever there’s a family emergency because this means they are unreliable. I also like yayas who return on time from their rest days.
3. No cash advance or bale while under my employ: This is a big one. I have had yayas who backed out after hearing this rule. Bale or cash advance is a big problem in hiring Filipinos. Because they can’t budget their money properly, they always tend to borrow money from their employers, leaving them on a continuous cycle of indebtedness. I tell my yayas I will never lend them money. If someone dies in their family, I will give her family, but save on a death, I will not help out since I pay her a lot of money and on time.
4. No cellphone on duty hours: Many Filipinos cannot let go of their cellphones or Facebook. My rule indicates that they can only cellphone when my child is asleep. Many don’t like this.
5. They eat when we eat: We provide three meals and more a day, but I don’t like yayas who are more particular with food than we are.
6. They are okay with being an all around, which is already disclosed to in the ad. This means, I don’t like yayas who only want to take care of the kid and nothing else. Since I pay 50% more than minimum, I do want the yaya to also care about the general surroundings and do the laundry (via WASHING MACHINE) once the clothes need washing. I put this clause in because I don’t want our yaya to be maarte. 
7. No to padala pamasahe. With so many scammers in the Philippines, I don’t want to problematize about sending money to applicants who never plan to show up. If they want work, they will always find a way to come to you (I will reimburse the travel expense AFTER they arrive) with complete requirements.

These conditions already filter out many applicants. But since I only need one and they are joining my household, I would rather filter out those who are maarte, mareklamo and have many family issues instead of accepting them and then being disappointed later on.

5. I don’t hire yayas who don’t post their own faces on Facebook.

This is a photo of a Facebook applicant for yaya:

Lord help me if she really looks like that. She should be an actress, not a yaya.

If the yaya cannot be honest with who she is on social media, she may be hiding something, and I don’t want to consider yayas who don’t reveal anything about themselves.

6. I don’t hire yayas who frequently updates her status and post on Facebook. 

If I check their Facebook page and see that the yaya is always updating on Facebook, I don’t interview her anymore.

There are yayas who update their status every day, every half a day, with selfies and post about their random thoughts. This means, their phones are always by their side and they are very busy being active on social media.

Since one of my rules is to only use the cellphone during off duty or when the baby is sleeping, I don’t think hiring someone who is always on Facebook will work for us.

7. I also don’t like it when a yaya posts photos of herself and her alaga. Or photos of her in her employer’s house. 

It’s not her house or her kid. She should not post photos of what isn’t hers on social media. It’s not right, and in the Philippines, can be quite dangerous.

So when I see a yaya applicant posting her photo that features her employer’s house, child, car or belongings, I don’t even consider hiring her anymore.

8. I don’t hire yayas who have a bad record online.

I check out whether she has been blacklisted on other maids groups as a scammer or a maid with a bad record. I check her name out on Bad Maids PH Facebook group to see if she has been previously employed by someone before.

Checking online of their status have saved many employers a lot of future grief. For example, an agency referred to me a yaya who sounded decent on the phone. She was 4 years old, single, and was well experienced as a yaya.

Later, when checking online, someone gave me the feedback that not only does this yaya suffer from a bad attitude, she also had sexy photos of hers posted online!

These were her actual photos posted on Facebook for everyone to see!

My gosh, makati pala! Even I do not have the gall or strength to post a photo of myself on a swimsuit online, and here in an applicant who is open to showing on what she looks like to everyone who wishes to see.

And to those who are wondering, these are her real photos. Not Photoshopped. The agency said that these were her bikini photos from Boracay. Uhhhh….

Thank goodness for the Interet. If I didn’t ask for feedback, we would have ended up with a yaya who would give us many problems later on.

9. I hire yayas who have an acceptable record of leaving their previous employers properly. 

Many yayas, like mine, leave their employer without proper notice. Many simply go on a rest day and never come back, insisting that they left their employer because of (insert yaya reason here).

It doesn’t matter if the employer was masungit or abusive. What’s important is that the yaya leaves with grace, and with proper notice.

If they left an employer without giving a proper goodbye, they would do the same to me too. And given that I had been a victim of such yaya before, I do not want to have such experience repeated again.

Hence, I listen very closely when asking the question, “Why do you leave your previous employer?”

If they give me an answer that shows they are malabong kausap, then I move on to the next interviewee.

10. I only hire yayas who show WORD OF HONOR. They have to show up on the agreed schedule. They don’t lie on the interview. In short, they do what they say. 

My previous yaya told me that she didn’t even finish high school even though the yaya she was replacing was a college undergrad.

I appreciated the honesty and told her there was nothing to be embarrassed about. She turned out to be a pretty decent yaya for my daughter until she wasn’t.

I like yayas who tell you as it is. No lying, no twisting of the truth, no drama. One yaya told us that her first husband was dead, even though he wasn’t really. That was bad.

Since they are joining our household, we have to choose people who is similar like us. My husband says we like to surround our people who is not malabong kausap (which means we hate people who don’t do what they say).

Hence, we have declined the services of a yaya who keep on moving their starting date. Bago pa lang, ganun na. 

This was a yaya who didn’t show up as agreed because she claimed her son was sick. It would have been more believable if she didn’t text me the day before asking me to postpone her start date since her daughter wanted her to get her report card in school.

I didn’t take her anymore.

Sure, maybe it means having a yaya starting later, but at least, weeding out those who are unreliable will keep us more sane in the long run.

SUMMARY

Yes, it’s very hard to find a yaya in the Philippines. Even at a higher salary, I still experienced difficulty in finding a yaya myself. There is reason for agencies to exist. It’s not just to profit off employers, but to also save employers from the type of stress and frustration I’ve experienced this month.

Many employers have already given up from finding a suitable yaya for them.

The group that asks for referrals now number more than 1000 and yet, so many are left yaya-less. Many mothers choose to give up their jobs because they cannot find suitable help.

Personally, I can’t stand inactivity.

I don’t believe accepting my fate that I should be left yayaless since yaya left us last December. If I cannot find a yaya, I would have to take care of our child, and our business and my staff will suffer. Since we can afford a yaya, we should have one. Hence, not having a yaya is unacceptable for me.

So now, we have one. Zeny started just last Sunday, and she’s still alive as of today.

I hope she’s finally the yaya I am looking for. If not, we will look for someone else again.

Ahhhhh… that is life.

Anyway, hope my tips will help you find a yaya of your own. Good luck to all of us, and may the right yaya enter our employ.

 

 

Yaya Chronicles: The Search for a Good Yaya Continues

All of you know that I have been looking for a yaya (stay-in babysitter) ever since my old yaya didn’t come home for the holidays last December. 

While the experience has been very frustrating — we treated her like family, and she didn’t even have the decency to inform us she won’t be returning after we paid for her holiday — I decided to look at at the positive side of it, and rolled up my sleeves to find my daughter another yaya.

Since my yaya left last December, yayas were in short supply as many were also on extended holidays. Agencies couldn’t supply us with any, leaving us with no choice but to find one on our own. Here was my experience in looking for a yaya online.

The yaya I found during the first round only lasted 6 days.

On her sixth day, she texted me saying that her husband was in the hospital and she had to visit him as it might be an emergency. When she started, I made it clear that her first rest day would be after a month, so this request was already out of the ordinary.

As I have many experiences with the help, I knew this was a white lie and decided to simply let her go to her husband, with paid salary, packed bags and all. Here was my experience in handling this yaya.

My point is, despite my best efforts, it was really hard to find a reliable yaya in the Philippines.

Many yayas were malabong kausap: this meant that their words mean nothing. They will promise you the moon and the stars and will miserably fail.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next yaya I found online was Tessie, 52 years old, who worked as a housemaid, nanny and caregiver abroad.

I interviewed her on January 4, and we agreed for her to start n January 8.

On January 8 morning, here was her text to me:

Long story short, she was backing out.

This was very annoying because it was done in the last minute. I had waited 4 days for a yaya who didn’t plan on showing up.

The next one I got was interviewed on January 14 (Tuesday). We confirmed to start on January 16 (Thursday) so that she can pack up and spend time with her kids.

On January 15, she asked me if she could start on January 21 (Monday) instead since she needed to get her daughter’s report card in school that Saturday.

I replied to her in Tagalog, “Can’t your husband get the report card? Because we already agreed that you will start on Thursday. It’s difficult if you keep on changing your mind.”

She told me that it was always her husband who gets it but her daughter has requested that she do it this time around. However, given that she had word of honor, she will still arrive as agreed on Thursday.

At 9:57am on Thursday, she sent me the following text complete with photos:

There we go — she can’t make it on Thursday because her son had a fever. If so, she will just start on Monday, which was her original revised request.

This was my answer, “Why are you looking for a job if your family affairs are still not in order? During my interview, you told me that your mother-in-law and husband are the ones who take care of your children so that you can work. Now, you are telling me that you have to be there for your son because your husband is MIA.”

I understand that she needed to work and she cannot leave them when they are sick. But the problem is not the child. I was okay with her taking care of the child if the children was said to be her priority during the interview. However, she already told me her children would not be a problem, even if they are.

The problem is that she had no word of honor. And I do not like to deal with people who were malabong kausap.

So I told her to take care of her kids and to just manage her household instead.

Ironically, on Monday, she texted me again saying she wanted to work for me.

No sirree…!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

After receiving disappointing news, I renewed my search for another yaya. This time, I found someone on Facebook once again.

Zeny was 50 year old, from Mindoro, and was an all around yaya. She served in a family of Manila for 4.5 years.

I talked to her on Thursday, January 15, the same time that Mitch backed out. And we agreed that she start on Sunday, January 20, evening.

Her daughter would buy her ticket from Mindoro to Manila, and she is to go direct to our condo.

We waited with abated breath. After frequent disappointments over Arlene, Tessie and Mitch, we had low expectations. If Zeny did not show up, we would not be too surprised anymore.

Surprisingly, she showed up at 6:30 am on Sunday, just as agreed.

So far, so good. It’s been at least a day, and she’s still here.

She is a bit quiet, but caring and seems serious about the job. I hope she’s already the One for us.

And if not, the search continues — Just this January, my daughter has had 3 yayas in quick succession. It is so depressing that it’s now amusing.

At the end of the day, if we need a yaya, we need a yaya. I will go through as many yayas as I can so that I can find someone to take care of my daughter.

Let’s hope that this is already the one we are looking for. 🙂

Additional: 10 Tips in Looking for a Yaya Online

 

 

How to Protect your Marriage Against Adultery

This week, Amazon owner and billionaire Jeff Bezos and his wife announced they were going through an amicable divorce after four kids and 25 years of marriage.

A day after their announcement, the real reason for the divorce was dropped to the media — Apparently, the tycoon was having an 8-month affair to celebrity host, Lauren Sanchez, complete with cringy sexts that include cheesy words like:

“I love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon,”

And

 “I want to smell you, I want to breathe you in. I want to hold you tight.… I want to kiss your lips…. I love you. I am in love with you,” 

The media also alludes to Bezos sending his mistress nude photos of his supposedly big junk.

With fake boobs and lip fillers, who can complete with the brunette bombshell?

MacKenzie Bezos married Jeff when he was relatively poor after meeting him at DE Shaw. She was one of the first employees at Amazon, and did the company’s accounting on its first year.

As Jeff is now worth USD 136.9 billion and there was no prenup, we can daresay that Mrs. Bezos is probably the BEST investor in the world:

---

I share this news as a cautionary tale that husband cheating on their wives can happen to just about anyone. Last year, the couple happily celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.

A few months later, they are getting divorced.

Because of another shameless woman, and probably more.

It’s really that fast, ladies.

So the question is, How does one protect our marriages?

I have only been married to my husband a little shy of 5 years so I am not one to talk. But I do notice some similarities between couples who have remained married through the ups and downs of life.

My mom and dad is one successful love story — Until my father’s death, my parents were inseparable, and theirs is a lesson on how to protect one’s marriage. Here’s how:

1. They spend every day together. Where my dad was, she was there too.

I’ve always wondered why my mom is always with my dad wherever he went. Where my dad is, there she was too. My husband’s mother is also the same. Combined together, our parents have a combined 80 years of successful marriage between them.

Regardless of the occasion, my mom has always found her way to accompany my dad. I remember when I was in my teens, we joined my dad to Pegasus, a night club, for his friends gathering.

It was just a habit for my mom to accompany my dad wherever he went that even during bachelor parties, she was there and was the resident cool chick.

“I knew of all their wives and their mistresses,” she would tell us. “It’s a boy’s thing. And we just let them be. It was their life after all.”

My mom was always beside my father that it never occurred to anyone that it was weird that she was there even during my father’s friends’ partook of extra-curricular activities. Everyone simply accepted that when they invited my dad, his wife and family would come along. Hence, we were present even during his business meetings and trips or when he played mahjong.

Later on, I realized that this wasn’t the norm and most wives stayed at home while their husbands had their good time. I think my mommy’s presence was a big reason why my father stayed loyal to her until he died of old age.

2. My father was super dependent on my mother for everything.

My mom was very smart. She was so efficient that she took care of my dad’s most basic tasks.

In the morning when he woke up, she has already laid out his toothbrush and toothpaste, his clothes and everything he needed for the day.

For lunch, she would debone the chicken and fish and lay it out for him to eat.

When they went on business trips, she would do everything — book the tickets, print the out, pack the clothes, fill up the forms, etc.

“Why are you always serving daddy?” I asked her many times. “Why doesn’t he service you instead?”

“It’s okay Bonita,” she answered. “It is my job to serve.”

Later on, I realized the value of her service.

Because she was very good at it, my father was dependent on her for everything.

He doesn’t have a telephone book because my mom would always dial his friend if he wanted to call them up for a chat. Hence, there were no privacy issues for him. His phone was her phone, and she knew whom exactly he was talking to and for what.

He doesn’t need to deal with the details as my mom does this for him. Hence, she’s the one who will handle the business permits, do the payroll, pay the taxes, and make sure that all business operations are in order. Consequently, if he was to leave my mom for another woman, his business would be in shutters since he does not know where anything is.

It’s hard to cheat on a woman who is so nice to you and handles all your affairs. Leaving her would mean a lot of hassle and inconvenience. Of course, before getting it on with a ho, my father would have to think whether the ho would be better than my mom in servicing him, and would toss that idea aside.

3. My mom made sure that she supported my dad with everything he did. She was his biggest cheerleader and enabler.

My mom spoiled my dad rotten.

Since she was always there beside him, he would bounce his ideas off her. She would meet all his friends and provide her input. She would be at his beck and call.

My mother made sure she was irreplaceable in his life by literally being irreplaceable. While she was not super beautiful by any means, she has made my father the center of her life, next to us kids. She never disrespected him or fought him head on. Instead, when he was wrong, she still kept quiet until she was proven right.

How different is my mom from many women, including me!

“How can I support my husband if I know he’s doing the wrong thing?” I asked my mom.

“How can you keep your husband if you always win?” would be the answer.

It is a good lesson to remember.

In Summary

We do not know what happened to Jeff and Mackenzie, and how the heck did something so good dissolve just like that.

However, as Jeff Bezos became increasingly successful, MacKenzie Bezos chose a different life path from her husband and became a prize winning novelist.

She was not privy to the small changes in his life, and was happy building her own career and taking care of their four children.

She noticed that he was taking more out of town trips away from the family, and allowed it. The opportunity was there to cheat since she was not there beside him because she believed him all the time.

Mackenzie Bezos almost stumbled on his mistress month ago when Jeff and his mistress flew out of town in their private jet, only to be consoled after her husband told her that the trip was merely for business. She would have caught on his lies if she chose to accompany Jeff on this trip, instead of letting him go alone.

She allowed him to steal away from her bed. At night, she was okay with him sleeping in a different bed/room from her, allowing him to sleep with his mistress when she’s not there. It would have been more logistically difficult if she was always there with him by his side.

Adultery can happen anytime, anywhere, and to anyone. 

I am not surprised that a man of Jeff Bezos stature would resort to finding a hot mistress on the side to boost up his ego. Time immemorial is full of tragic stories of women who help their husbands become successful, only to find themselves replaced when the next hot young thing comes along to seduce their husbands away.

But I am surprised that MacKenzie Bezos allowed this travesty to happen. The problem could have been avoided if she was only more intuitive, more hands on and more PRESENT.

Then again, she is set to gain USD 65 billion out of her husband’s wrong decision. After 25 years of loyal marriage and service, her husband’s adultery is a great excuse to cash out on a lonely, miserable marriage and still look like the good guy.

More power to MacKenzie Bezos — maybe divorce, while painful — is the right decision for her. Not everyone can come off with that much money in 25 years.

But we are not MacKenzie Bezos, and our husband is not as rich as Jeff. 

Personally, it serves my better interest to remain married for now. My husband is not as rich as Jeff Bezos that I am better off financially if we separate. My work with him is not yet finished, and we can still achieve more together than apart. Our daughter would greatly benefit from us still being together.

So yes, I will pray to God and lock my car. 

I hope you will too.

Leadership Lesson: “?” or “.”

I was talking to my supervisor today about how he talks to his staff. 

“Tell me again what you happened,” I said. “What did Camille answer you?”

“I asked her why she didn’t fill in the inventory sheet as she should have done,” replied my supervisor Ryan. “She answered me and said it was because she didn’t have any excess sheets available, and I only gave it to her last January 3.”

“The job of writing the inventory sheet lies on the sales staff,” I said. “Why did she turn it around and made the issue of her not doing her job your problem?”

“How about you?” I turned to my other supervisor. “Josefina (your staff) is late all the time.”

“I kept on asking why she is late,” she answered. “I am asking her to correct the habit immediately.”

I sat down my supervisors.

“Why do you keep on asking your staff QUESTIONS?” I said. “You don’t need to ask them why they are late, why they haven’t done what they’re supposed to do, and why they haven’t sold anything yet.”

“They are the staff. You are not asking for their permission. The instruction isn’t a request. It was an order.”

One of the biggest issues in managing staff in the Philippines is that they always have a ready excuse on why they’re not doing things.

Ask them why they aren’t selling, and they will blame the customers. “But ma’m, many people ask but they’re just not buying.”

Ask them why they’re late and they will blame the traffic.

Ask them why they didn’t file the forms, and they will say that it’s because they’re too busy “selling” (even though their sales figures don’t show it).

Ask them why things aren’t done, and they’ll suegwey and put the blame on someone else.

It’s a big problem — pushing one’s faults to someone else. As if they can’t do anything. That’s one of the most frustrating things about managing people.

It’s almost never their fault. 

Point out the issue, and they’ll always justify the fault with something else. As it they’re the victims, and not the ones making a mistake.

This is the lesson — When managing staff, give instructions (in a nice way). Make sure they’re done. Stop asking questions!

“Remove the question marks when you talk to the staff.” I said.

Don’t ask them why they’re late. Tell them they were late x times over the last 15 days.

Don’t ask they why they still haven’t sold anything. Tell them that they’ve been at the store for x hours and they still haven’t sold anything.

Don’t ask them why they haven’t filed the forms. Tell them to file the forms now, and to do it right in front of you.

Don’t ask them why they haven’t done something they should have done as part of their job descriptions. Tell them to do it NOW.

Asking questions is for everyone else. We ask questions and get consent with the people around us because they’re doing things as a favor to us. We want to be nice and polite and respectful, and we ask because they don’t need to do it, but we want people to do so.

But our staff know their jobs. They were fully oriented what their job descriptions were from the beginning, and the instructions are clear.

They must be done.

Stop with the “?s.”

Talk with the “.” or “!”

My friends, when dealing with staff, change the way you talk. You can still be polite and respectful even when giving instructions. However, asking questions show doubt and allow the staff to undermine authority.

State the facts. Give instructions, and make sure they’re done.

And I believe that you’ll be a better leader for it. Happy Sunday!

How I Found a New Yaya Online

I decided to try the Internet in my search for a brand new yaya because all agencies I called up in December had a low supply of yayas to choose from because most of the yayas had gone home for the holidays.

As the agencies I know usually charge me Php 8,000 to Php 15,000 for every referral, I figured, why not save on the agency fee and try my luck on the Internet?

Anyway, I’ve always believed that all agencies do is to refer a yaya to you. The hard job of interviewing, screening and deciding still land on the hands of the employer. So I posted the following ad online on my search for a new yaya for my daughter:

---

LOOKING FOR TODDLER YAYA

RESPONSIBILITIES:
* To take care of and monitor a happy, normal 3 year old daughter (Bring her to school, feed/bathe/play with her, etc.)
* Launder our clothes via washing machine (Fold then return back to cabinet)
* Tidy up general surroundings (e.g., sweep and mop floor, tidy up. We live in a condo).

PERSONALITY NEEDED: Happy and pleasant, trustworthy, honest, hardworking, and reliable. Easy going and neat (pero hindi kailangang OC. Hindi kami maselan). May kusa at malambing sa bata.

SALARY:
* Monthly: PHP 9,000.00
* Rest day: 2 days per month. I pay for the two days you didn’t take, so add Php 692.31 per month. Net pay per month with two rest days = Php 9,692.31.
* SSS, Philhealth, Pagibig from 4th month, 13th month pay, 5 days SIL after 1 year of service
* Have own room and toilet. Yaya buys own toiletries.

REQUIREMENTS:
* Completed Bio-data
* Photo
* NBI Clearance (Valid and unexpired)
* Barangay Clearance
* Birth Certificate (NSO/PSA)

TO APPLY:
1. PM me requirements and cellphone number. I will call you for interview if you qualify.
2, If I like you, I will hire you. You have to come to Manila at your own expense though. No to padala pamasahe. We can pick you up from Cubao or Makati.

NOTE:
* We don’t do CAs or bale.
* Cellphone only after duty hours.
* No cooking needed. Still, we need someone who is not maselan sa pagkain.

---

To my surprise, I got a bit of traction with my online ad. More than a handful of candidates PM’d me to try their luck. To be honest, I was quite humbled with the fact that so many people was interested in applying:

One of the things that I have going for me is the fact that I was offering a slightly higher than average salary for a yaya.

The minimum wage for a kasambahay in the Philippines is Php 3,500.00 per month with four rest days. On average, many employers offer a range of Php 4,000 to 7,000 for a yaya. As you can see in the ad, I was offering Php 9,000, which is already 30-50% higher than what most employers are offering.

I didn’t do it to get more applicants. That was just the happy effect.

However, my daughter’s yaya has always earned an average monthly salary of Php 8,000-12,000. I have sourced these yayas through various agencies who charge me a referral fee of Php 8,000 to Php 15,000 per referral. So the amount I was offering is on par to what I have offered every single yaya on my employ.

In addition, I have paid for the correct benefits, are okay with 13th month pay and have given our yayas over and above what they have given us in service. All of our yayas were able to save up and uplift their lives while under our employ.

So what’s not to like?

We were confident we were pretty good and fair employers. Our child was normal and healthy, and any yaya who comes to us is lucky to be part of our family.

Why more employers should consider the Internet when looking for yayas

The great thing about using the Internet when looking for yayas is that you get to see their Facebook accounts, scroll through their online histories, and see what type of people they are via looking at their social media posts.

Yayas I don’t even consider:

1. Those who post sexy photos of themselves over the Internet. Yes, apparently, they have no shame in showing off their bodies. Great when you’re looking for a good time, but probably not the best candidates for a yaya for my 3-year old girl:

2. Those who post angry or emo-like status updates. A red flag is someone who complains about their employers online. Negativity is not something I’d like to invite in my home.

3. Those who posts too many selfies of themselves online. Too much vanity!!! I also don’t feel comfortable when they pose around the house, take photos and post them online.

4. Those who post photos of the kids they take care of online. It’s not their call to post photos of their employers’ children on the Internet.

5. Those who don’t read the ad in full and keep on asking the same questions over and over. Like many of those who applied do not even have the requirements I need to consider them. Their NBI Clearance is expired. They have no valid IDs. Or they’re in the province and not in Manila. What’s the point of inquiring if you have no interest in coming here to work since you have no money?

6. Those who are too young and don’t have the work experience for the job at hand. Apologies, but an 18 year old is too young to be a yaya for my daughter at a rate of Php 9,000. I would prefer someone older who knows how to take care of different types of kids.

Yayas I considered:

1. Those who are slightly older, at least 28 years old and above. 
2. Those with relatively happy families. I am okay with single mothers, but I hope that they have a good head on their shoulders.
3. Yayas who actually have all the required documents on hand.
4. Those who didn’t really pose any red flags during the phone interview. Here are the Questions I Ask in a Phone Interview with Yaya.

The yaya I finally chose was 46 years old, happily married to the same man for 23 years, and have two older boys, 19 and 21 years old. She ticked all the boxes, and was fine with all my conditions, and was willing to come in on the 28th, which was before January:

Anyway, life is short. Why not try out new things? At worse case I don’t like this yaya, we can always terminate her and find a new one. It’s not as if we cannot survive without a yaya. If we fail, try and try again.

She seems okay with our little baby. Of course, our baby prefers the old yaya but hey, we make do with what we have.

So there we go. I hope you can try finding a yaya too online.

Who knows?

The yaya for life we are looking for may just be right in the corner, waiting for us to post online. 🙂

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Additional: 10 Tips in Looking for a Yaya Online

Dear Cousin: A letter when everyone hates your GF

November 3, 2018

Dear Cousin,

You were surprised on why your relatives have judged your girlfriend so harshly after seeing her for the first time last week. You probably are asking on how they can be so critical of her without even knowing her, and how can they know better than you, you who have already been dating her for a few months.

I am writing to ask your forgiveness if you have been hurt. I know that by presenting her, you took a risk that your relatives may or may not like her. You still took that chance though, because you felt that she was already the right girl for you. In your mind, if she was good enough for you, then she should be good enough for everyone. Anyway, it was her, not us, who make you the happiest. Isn’t that what really matters?

Congrats cousin — you now join the ranks of many a star-crossed couples who face an opposing challenging world. Like Romeo and Juliet, any hardship will only make your love stronger, and your evil relatives will soon be proven wrong. It’s your life anyway, and as an adult, you can make your own damn decision. To be honest, I don’t even think you cared about whatever anyone thought, so long as she makes you happy. And to be quite frank, I think you’re right. The most important thing was that you like her, and to hell with everyone else.

Before you get even more upset, cool down a bit.

The initial disapproval is just a test. It can be heart breaking, but it doesn’t mean it’s the end. There is still hope that minds will be changed, and it all depends on how you react to such possibly devastating news. You had a right to be angry of course. As I’ve said, it’s not our business to meddle in your love life. But I would rather look at it in a positive way, and use this experience to truly test whether or not she is the right girl for you.

Our relatives was against Husband too when I first introduced them. They thought he was plain rude, a womanizer, and an irresponsible son who have constantly made bad judgments throughout his youth. The fact that he was annulled at a young age didn’t make matters worse. He would say the wrong things all the time, and offend everyone. We couldn’t even finish our pre-engagement counselling with Uncle Eee and Auntie Dee as they couldn’t believe that he was a true Christian. He had anger and alcohol issues. My brother felt he was not good enough as a man for me. My brother even slammed his hand on the wall after I told him to back off. Auntie Bee implored my mom to meet Husband’s first wife, and it was through this arrangement that I met See. It was initially awkward, but I am glad I met her. It put a lot of their concerns to rest.

Relatives do this because they love us. Sure, they worry because whoever we pick will taint our bloodline, but I also do believe from the bottom of my heart that they criticize so that we will as well. When we’re in love, we still wear rose-colored glasses and throw our cautions into the wind. That’s how infatuation work, and it can be a dangerous thing. It blinds us to our partner’s weaknesses and make bad character traits look like cute quirks. We forgive our partner’s dangerous habits easily and say they don’t matter, and that they will change. That it’s okay if our partner argues with us in a destructive and disrespectful manner, or if our partner’s family is crazy and dysfunctional. Anyway, we are marrying HER and not them, so these things doesn’t matter.

Oh please, let’s not delude ourselves.

If you are irritated with her, these things will irritate you even more through time. If she gets angry easily, she will be hot tempered once you get married. If she keeps on complaining about her life, she will also complain about you, and that’s unhealthy. These things will never go away because they already make who she is. If you don’t like her family, remember that they brought her up and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. If they’re dysfunctional, she’s cuckoo too but you just can’t see it.

That’s why we date.

The main goal of dating is to find out whether the (wo)man we love is truly the right person for us. Through the time we spend together, we see if they can make us truly happy beyond the dating stage, and whether they will make good partners, spouses, and mothers/fathers.

You say that she is already everything you need and want in a woman. Okay, prove it. Show us that your love is strong and unwavering. That she makes you a better person, and that life is much better with her around. That she will be very loving and caring towards you, and will not fight with you or ask you to isolate yourselves from your family and friends. The right woman should bring you closer to your family despite initial misunderstandings, not turn you against each other.

It takes humility and maturity to accept harsh criticism, ponder upon them, and to see whether it is something to be concerned about. It takes wisdom to respect the views of elders, even when we don’t agree with it. It is not bad to ask, “Why don’t they like her?” instead of attacking defensively and saying, “Who do you think you are to not like her? You don’t even know her.”

Honestly speaking cousin, it’s your life. And it’s not really anyone’s business to comment on who you choose to come into your life. As you’re now working and have your own income, your relatives have nothing that you want and they can all go to hell for all you care.

But before you make angry snap judgment, take a moment to really ask yourself why your girlfriend isn’t liked? What was it about her that everyone saw that they felt made her not a good match for you? Why did they think that by choosing her, you would be less happier in the future than if you choose someone else? Was it something she wore, something she said, or the way they acted that revealed to them something they felt would not be good for you in the long run? The assumption is that your relatives loved and cared for you. So what was it that they were warning you against? And how can they have seen this in just one meeting?

In Chinese, there’s a word, “看人” or “Kwa lang.” This is a skill that’s honed by meeting different types of people and knowing their stories. My dad was allegedly very good at this. Through just one meeting, he can already make a snap judgment about a person, and it was almost always correct. This uncanny ability was able to enrich him as he can decide very quickly whether this was a person who you could do business with, or who will fool you. I was afraid of this skill, as he oftentimes had an opposing view about people I was friends with. And it bothered me that in time, he was oftentimes proven right in his judgment.

What was it that everyone saw in her that made them feel that she was not the right person for me? Why would they say that while it’s my choice, I might end up unhappier if I ended up with her? What did they see that I cannot?

I think these are good questions to ask. I had asked the same questions when I dated Husband. To be fair, our relatives were correct in their assessment: There were many reasons on why Husband was not the right person for me, and that I deserved better. To be fair, he got rid of the drinking (alcohol) before we got married, so that was one burden off my back. He’s also changed so much since we married. He’s also proven that he’s a terrific father after Baby came along.

But I think that it was good we went through this exercise before we got married. Left by ourselves and without elderly counsel, I don’t think our marriage would have been stronger. Even Husband had to change before he married me, and it was because I demanded that he should.

Though it was an uncomfortable time for everyone, I am still glad that our relatives criticized him then, he still kept an open mind with that. He didn’t blacklist or hate them, nor wasn’t he angry at them for saying such mean things about him. Instead, he understood and tried to prove everyone wrong. What should have destroyed us just made us stronger. What he is right now is due to the trials we went through as a couple. If he wasn’t a good partner then, he was a good partner now because of our relatives’ feedback. And I am very thankful and blessed as a result.

At the end of the day, it’s your life.

You get to decide who you allow inside your life, and who to remove from your life. And before you make any snap decisions on removing your relatives from yours just because they don’t like the girl you’re dating, ask yourself if it’s just your relatives who don’t like her. Does your parents like her, like really like her? Does your friends who have known you for decades like her, as in really like her? Is she like your mother, Auntie Edwina? Will she make a good wife, mother and life partner?

Now, ask yourself WHY.

Reflection is a gift that keeps on giving.

Date her if you must.

Marry her too if you think she’s the best girl for you now and forever.

But choosing the (wo)man you will marry is the most important decision any person has to make in their lives. Therein that one decision lays your happiness, your luck, your future, and your children’s future.

If you choose her, still invite us to the engagement and wedding. Blood runs thicker than water, and it’s laughable and silly if you discard your relatives just because of a woman.

But if you can, pray. Think very carefully. Ask yourself why. Ask other people why. Therein lies the answer. Then decide accordingly.

Good luck, cousin. This is your first time to be in love, and hopefully, it won’t be your last. May you make the right decision for yourself, and may she make you very happy if you do choose her. We wish you only the best in whatever life has to offer.

Big hugs,

Cousin Bonita

How I Met my Husband

We met via e-Harmony.

Yes, our love story is a testimony that online dating works, and works beautifully.

I was single, 33 years old, and fresh out of a breakup from a 2.5 year old relationship that blindsided me.

He was 36, a notorious playboy over the last decade, and has been searching fruitlessly for love that would his parents would approve.

I found a sponsored article that asked whether someone was The One for you. The article had many points that provided some clarity on my brother’s relationship problems, and alongside this article was a “REGISTER FOR FREE” ad for e-Harmony.

Thinking I had nothing to lose, I signed up for the experience.

What’s great about the site was that it was anonymous, and it asked you to answer a personality test that allowed the system to match you to someone that fits your personality.

According to eHarmony, “eharmony is the first service within the online dating industry to use a scientific approach to matching highly compatible singles. eharmony’s matching is based on using its 29 DIMENSIONS® model to match couples based on features of compatibility found in thousands of successful relationships.”

Unlike other sites, it only showed your profile to your matches. You can state your preference on the type of person you liked. It was nice that the only thing others can see was my name.

I cited I wanted someone who was tall, was a Christian, Chinese and from Hongkong, Philippines or Singapore. I figured it was an interesting concept and was worth a try.

Little did I know, my future husband was signing up as well.

His sister was able to successfully find love online as well, so he thought he’d want to give it a try.

My future husband wanted someone who was a Christian, a non-smoker, Chinese and lived 20 kilometers from his house.

I was okay with meeting men from all over as I lived in Hong Kong, Singapore, Taiwan and the United Kingdom.

Given his location preference, I was one of his two matches from the site.

I on the other hand had around 90+ eligible men to choose from! Wohoo!

The less picky you are, the more matches you will have!

As I was the better looking one out of his only two matches, my now husband sent me a nudge and requested to see my photo:

eHarmony sent the notice straight to my mailbox. It was August 2012.

What initially attracted me was his honesty.

Husband was very honest, very direct, and oftentimes, tactless. He doesn’t really lie and would tell the truth if you ask for it. There is no sugar coating with him. Black is black and if politeness indicates that he is to say white, he would still say it is black.

His unfiltered mess both attracts and repels depending on who you talk to, and yet, I found it quite refreshing.

From the get go, he was open about his first failed marriage, and that the annulment was clean and there was no way they were getting back together. He has no bad words about his ex-wife, only citing they remained friends and in civil terms.

We exchanged tons of messages, never really talking about anything confidential but open about educational and family background, our interests, and what we do.

We had common friends but didn’t know it yet.

The only thing I knew was that this guy was different, quite intelligent, and very interesting.

I looked forward to reading his emails and learning more about him.

From the initial emails, I learned where he went to school (it was my mother’s school), graduated with a degree in Engineering in one of Manila’s better schools, and his family went to a Christian church.

In truth, I think that maybe it is God’s plan to let us meet each other this way.

If I met my husband in a car show, I would have found him too strong, too confident and too in-your-face. As we only had words to rely on, we got to know each other better from a non-physical standpoint.

When my husband said he liked me for my brains, it was because of weeks of emailing each other back and forth.

Here was the catch —- to exchange messages, each of us had to pay USD 63.00 for a 3-month subscription.

Intrigued, we both gladly paid the USD 63.00 from each of our sides. This is how eHarmony makes money, ladies and gentlemen.

But to my husband, “It was the best thing my USD 63.00 has ever purchased in my life.”

THE FIRST DATES

After a month of emailing and then texting, we finally met up.

Our first date was in this casual steak place in Pasig and we talked for hours. Unlike my dates with other men when I felt like an amused observer, time with my now husband went by quite fast.

I don’t really know what we talked about really, but most likely it’s about our college days and my times abroad, and for him working for the family business and his first marriage.

On our second date, I met his sister and her husband, both expats from Shanghai. At that time, coincidentally, they came by in Manila for a visit.

In between dates, we texted and talked to each other on the phone.

I enjoyed talking to him.

We had the same wavelength and can discuss multiple topics from American gossip, to politics, to car shows to wall climbing and keeping fit.

In November 2012, we became a couple. On June 2014, we got married, and have been happily married ever since.

We have a daughter who is almost 3 who is the light of our lives.

Since then, I have been a fierce endorser of online dating.

We both think it’s an incredible discovery, and it’s the best USD 63.00 we’ve ever spent.

Who knew we would meet each other via an American dating app? Who knew that while we had mutual friends, it was this app that brought us together.

So if you’re single and looking for love, never lose hope.

Try eHarmony.

We did, and we’re so very glad that we did. 🙂

As a working mom, do you get angry or annoyed when the non-working moms say “I left my career to raise my child”? How do you manage this situation?

My response: “Good luck! I hope it turns out to be a good decision for you.”

I honestly think not working is a luxury.

It means that someone else, not you, is bringing food on the table.

As children increasingly become expensive given education, food, upbringing, etc., there really has to be someone who brings home the bacon.

Usually it’s the husband.

However, I personally do not like to be completely and financially dependent on a man.

Yes I know my husband is wonderful, but seriously, it’s my life we are talking about. Our family and mine.

Here are the problems in depending on someone else for financial support?

What if my husband loses his job?

So he has to be stuck in his job because he needs food on the table. He will resent me for forcing him to work.

What if my husband cheats on you?

How can a woman live if she has kids and no means of financial support?

What if your husband dies unexpectedly?

So now you have to force yourself to leave your kids and go back to work? How high will be your salary after being out of the workforce for 20 years?

Life surprises us. I don’t want to be caught off guard. I want to be ready.

A friend was a stay-at-home wife.

She met her husband in university.

After they graduated, they both worked.

When it was obvious the man’s career was doing better than hers, he encouraged her to quit her job and be a stay-at-home wife.

She supported him through his career, and moved their family from the Philippines to Taiwan to New York.

She is in her early 50s now, and she discovered that her husband who became the head of a business division, was cheating on her with someone he worked with.

Angry and insulted, she confronted him.

He just laughed at her and challenged her to leave.

All the money was made by him, managed by him and dispensed by him.

Literally she had no money, no job, weak working experience.

She didn’t leave.

She couldn’t leave.

She doesn’t know what to do. She had nowhere to go, nobody to help and no money for legal action.

Thats what happens when you’re financially dependent on someone else all your life.

I personally don’t like to hand over my life to someone else.

I think of my future and my my child’s future.

Given that I am equally capable and very much hire-able, I want to financially secure myself and my kids.

Because I don’t want to be placed in a position where I am with a guy just because he brings home the bacon.

I want to have the freedom to leave if he gets abusive.

I want to have the money for better childcare.

I want my children to go to better schools.

I want my children to see how hard I work for us.

I want my children to know it’s possible to work and still love them at the same time.

So good luck.

And from the bottom of my heart, I really hope giving up your career is truly the right decision for you and your family.

Suggestion: Let’s Remove the Word, “Dapat” from our Vocabulary

We have to get rid of “Dapat” from our vocabulary.

In English, “Dapat” means “Should” and herein lies the crux of all our problems.

With just a single word, “Dapat or should” we place all our dreams and expectations. Only to be crushed when people disappoint us. Or when things don’t go our way.

How are we a victim of this cruel word?

To our bosses, you want to shout to them, “You should open your eyes and see how good I am for your company. And you should reward me greatly for tolerating your idiosyncrasy. If without me, what are you?”

To our husband, we tell them, “You should appreciate me more. You shouldn’t look at other women. You should be grateful I married you.”

To our children, we instruct them, “You should listen to me more. You should excel in school. You should understand that what I do is for you.”

To our workers, we expect them, “You should not dilly-dally, and just do your jobs. You should do your work without me overlooking your shoulder. You should not steal. You should be on time. You should not complain.”

No wonder life disappoints us. We expect life to be a certain way, and it isn’t. 

---

I am a victim of the word, “Should.” 

I heap my expectation with my husband, my kid, my people, and everyone around me. I get frustrated when things don’t go my way because they don’t get me.

What an idiot am I.

I realize that much of my frustrations lie on ME. The way I expect things to go my way, and don’t. The way I expect others to behave but don’t.

Actually, if I loosen my expectations, I could actually be a happier, chirpier person.

The struggle lies on the fact that I refuse to let go. I still hold on others to their promises. And I wish everyone would just follow whatever I say.

For example, what if my husband cheats on me?

The usual thing to do is to hanker down, get mad and scream at him. Slash his tires, poison his drink, and go bananas. All this because he did something he SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE.

Now, what if after I found out, I simply go home, pack up our things, and move our daughter elsewhere.

No shouting matches, no struggle, and no denial.

Just pack up and go.

When my husband comes back, all he would see is me packing up and taking away what he loves the most, our daughter.

No drama, just a matter of fact, “Sorry, you fucked up. I told you I would leave you if you did, and I will.”

Same result, smoother ride.

Wouldn’t that be better?

If we let go of our expectations, it empowers us to take the situation in our hands and just react by ourselves. We don’t have to push other people to follow what we want. We can just do what we want to do.

Don’t you agree?

Let’s remove “Should” from our vocabulary. I know it’s hard. It’s my personal struggle. But let’s try.

I think we’d be happier persons for it.