Mommy Chronicles: How to Raise a Budding Entrepreneur

“One dollar! One dollar!” exclaims my daughter as she tries to sell her wares to my staff from the shop set her grandma gave her today.

She must have learned selling from Ryan’s Toy Review. Either that, or one dollar is too cheap a price for legitimate wares.

Another Mommy asked how to teach kids entrepreneurship a few days before.

My father was an entrepreneur.

My mother was an entrepreneur.

And I later grew up to be an entrepreneur as well.

I don’t really remember my parents actively teaching me how to be an entrepreneur.

So how the heck did I turn out to be one?

It’s the Littlest Most Mundane Details

My father used to teach me about entrepreneurship without me knowing it.

We would go to a restaurant, and we would analyze if this restaurant was profitable or not.

“How many staff are there at the store?” he would ask.

“There’s ten,” I’d answer. And would proceed to count them one by one.

“Good,” he would reply. “If each employee cost php 13,500, how much would the total labor cost be?”

“₱13,500 times ten is php ₱135,000.” The middle school me would answer, pleased that my multiplication tables can now be used.

He continues to ask, “Let’s say rent and overhead which includes electricity is php 60,000, how much is the total cost of running this business?”

“₱135,000 plus ₱60,000 equals php 195,000.” I would answer. This is easier math.

“So let’s say cost of doing business is rounded up to php200,000, how many meals do you need to sell to break even?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked, now confused.

“Okay, how much is the price per meal?” He would then ask.

“It’s php 100,” I would answer. “And there’s four of us so that’s php 400 for our table, more or less.”

“Now, if the cost of the food is php 30 per order, that means per meal has php 70 of profit,” he concludes. “If you make php 70 per meal, how many meals do you sell to break even?”

Ahhhhhh…. see the point?

“Cost of business is php 200,000. Divide php 200,000 by php 70 profit per meal, how many meals is that?” He asked.

“2858 meals!” I excitedly answer.

“Now divide 2858 meals by 30 days, how many meals must be sold per day to break even?”

“95 to 96 meals a day, daddy,” I answered.

“Or 50 meals per lunch and dinner,” he would say. “Or around 10 to 15 tables per meal hour. Look around you. Is this restaurant full? How many diners are here on a weekday lunch?”

There was only 4 tables dining. Two had two people, one was a sole diner and there was us, 4 on a table — or 7 people in total.

“The restaurant isnt making money,” he concluded. “It will close down in a few months unless they change something. Anything.”

“How sure are you, daddy?” I asked.

“Do the math,” he said. “And you will know.”

Sure enough, the business DID close down.

It was tragic to see.

I am sure that the owners were well intentioned and had high hopes and dreams when they opened the store, but you can’t fight against the tide if the numbers were against you.

And that was how my dad taught me about entrepreneurship.

Not by reading a book or taking a class.

But by analyzing every business that we come in.

Every single day.

My daughter is only 3 and there’s still more to teach her.

Right now, she’s just selling things for one dollar. Tomorrow, hopefully she’ll be selling more at a profit.

Teaching about entrepreneurship is like building the pink towerZ

You talk to her everday about the most mundane things, and build it up, until years later, without her really knowing it, she inevitably becomes an entrepreneur.

Because this was what her parents did.

Because this was something you guys talked about every day.

Because this was her training.

Because this training became her calling.

And that is how you raise an entrepreneur.

One day at a time.

Why I got into Business

A high school student came the other day and asked me about my experience as a businesswoman. His comments made me reflect on the decisions that I’ve made and why I actually got into business.

My parents were both businessman. My father was an engineer who never practiced while my mom was a calculus for engineering students for a decade before joining my father grow his failing business. When my mom met my dad, he was living with his mother and she remembers caged chickens inside his home.

My dad didn’t have anything when he met my mom.

“He was living in a car,” she said. “All his belongings can fit one car. But I thought it was challenging so I married him.”

They tried to sell pencils and export bananas. They had many failed ventures and experienced hardship. When I was born, they got into a business which generated them enough income to give us a comfortable life and put me and my brother through schools.

Ever since I was young, my dad ingrained in me to be a businessman. No matter how high the salary, I should be a businessman to be considered successful.

“If you are brilliant, why work for someone else? Why not be your own boss?” Said my father who has apparently forgotten his years of hardship and poverty.

Ironically, because he gave me the opportunity to go to good schools, I was trained to be marketable in the corporate world.

That’s what happens when you have good grades, held leadership positions in college and graduated from a good school — big companies like you.

The university I went to churned out graduates that were very hireable to the multinational companies.

I was active in leadership roles and had a very attractive resume. I already had a nice offer working for the largest oil company after graduation despite not applying for the job.

Life however brought me to Taiwan, Hong Kong, Singapore and London where my degree was useless.

I did however lucked out and was hired by another corporation, and did pretty well in the corporate world. Prior to quitting, I had a job that I loved in one of the best (at least in my own very biased opinion) companies in the world. My salary was a few hundred thousand pesos, enough to give me a comfortable life at a young age of 29.

I learned working for a company is not a bad thing.

My dad wasn’t really correct — I was earning a lot working for someone else. When I traveled, I experienced business class and five-star hotels. I loved my intelligent coworkers, and I was learning something new every week.

Even today, nobody has yet to beat my salary. Who can also beat 20-25 days paid vacation leaves per year?

Working for someone else doesn’t mean you’re a loser.

Actually a lot of senior corporate leaders earn a lot of money. Just check out some of the sweet salaries senior executives can make.

My boss had his four kids in international school and a beautiful stay at home wife with expensive tastes. He was doing well so long as he kept a job.

It was a great thing to be IF you can get it. Such a plush job is reachable if you study and work hard enough. Goldman Sachs and P&G will only hire you if you are the best in a top prestigious school.

If that is what you want, study hard, be on top of your class, join an organization and be the president.

Groom yourself to get the best corporate job there is.

You can do it. You just have to ensure that you prove it to the recruiter that you’re creme of the creme.

Ironically, I did end up in entrepreneurship.

Long story short, I got married to a family who gave us a business.

My husband’s parents offered us, and it was crazy not to take it.

It was small, kinda unprofitable, and I had no clue what to do. They kinda gave us lemons and to be honest, we were expected to make lemonade from it.

But I remembered my dad’s words, “It’s better to be a businessman than working for corporate.”

I did the math —- sure, the business could work if we could scale up. The roots were there already and most of the hard work of setting it up was done. All we had to do was to stabilize and grow it.

I got into business because I knew it could work. Not just because of my talent but rather because we had sufficient capital to grow it and outlast the bad days.

This is important guys — many people want to be in business so they can get rich.

I entered into business knowing I need to be poor first before I maybe get rich.

I computed it: With costs so high nowadays, to make a store required over a million pesos investment, most of it in security deposit and construction.

We doubled our number of stores, taking out loans. I was worried about money the first two years.

“It’s payroll and rent season again,” I would complain to my husband as I’d get depressed. All the hard work we made went into paying our overhead and investing it back in expensive stores. I wasn’t rich because I had a business. We were rich with problems because we had a business!

But that’s business — Once you start, you can’t stop. Even when the going gets tough.

I worried a lot. Our strategy was working but I was worried it wasn’t good enough. I was scared of disappointing a lot of people, people who trusted us.

A few of our stores were duds. The profit I made in the first few years were used to pay off the loans that built those duds. We took a risk and we lost. We had to close some unprofitable stores.

But some became winners. Some stores had sales that were low but slowly grew.

Everyone worked tirelessly to build the company up. I shared with them the dream and many people helped.

Our business is now stable, more or less.

I worry less during payroll and rent season. The system is built and the team is more or less complete. All I have to do is complete the team and perfect the system.

I now have more time thinking about succession and other business. As the business grows, you need to pass it on to others. So that you will have more time in other income generating endeavours.

While the road was a bit long, I can now proudly say I am a businesswoman.

In a way dad is right. If you have the talent, be in business. Work for yourself.

But I think he forgot to mention why you should be in business.

People foolishly think that you should be in business to get rich.

Honestly, we are not rich yet.

I was actually earning more in a monthly basis in the corporate world than having my own business. In fact, my own salary now is a mere 8% of my salary then.

Yes, it’s that bad.

But as I look at my team and what we’ve accomplished together so far, I cannot help but beam with pride.

With our business, we are helping people.

I have more or less 50 people in my employ.

That’s 50 breadwinners supporting 50 families. All with stable jobs who can support their kids’ housing, food and education.

Sure, I make less now.

But the money I used to make is now shared with 50 different families and more. And the people I employ grows as the business grows.

So while I am poorer now, my heart is still rich. Because I believe creating jobs is as noble as teaching kids, and I believe that if we do this further, we can help even more people sustain even more families.

And hopefully, one day, I can get rich too. Richer than my corporate counterpart I hope.

So why did I become a businessman?

It started with my father’s dream.

Then fate brought me here when I married my husband.

But I get it now.

Being a businessman is my calling — To create jobs and to help others.

And if together, we can increase everyone’s income, then why not?

Do you want to be a businessman?

Please make sure that you know what you’re getting yourself into and that your heart is in the right place.

Have a good weekend!

6 Reasons Why You’re Still Single at 40

Yesterday, I asked the question, “Why would a beautiful 40-year old woman still be SINGLE?”

I’ve wondered this question and asked several friends what they thought. We mulled over whether it was the guys’ fault or the girl’s fault that she’s still single. At the end of the day, the consensus is clear: If she is beautiful and sexy, and there’s nothing wrong with her physically, then it’s the woman’s fault that she’s single.

Not the men’s.

WOAH!

Mindblowing!

Here are 6 Reasons why it’s the woman’s fault if she is still single at 40, and she wants to get married before then:

1) Some superficiality was in play.

Some nice guy actually came a calling.

But she rejected him because he is short, boxy and dark-skinned.

The guy was ready for marriage and for a serious relationship. He was already in his 40s, and was keen to start a family. There’s no baggage except for the fact that he was single since he just came off from two long-term, long-distance relationships that didn’t work out.

It doesn’t matter: She still rejected him.

Because he’s not her type.

Sometimes, we can’t help ourselves. If he’s not cute, we’d rather be single.

That’s why, she is still single.

2) Because they think dating apps are for losers.

I met a 30-plus year old woman who wanted to find love, and asked her why she didn’t try dating apps like OkCupid, Tinder, eHarmony and the likes.

“Oh, dating apps are for losers,” she huffed. “I’m not that desperate yet.”

My husband and I met via a dating app.

So apparently, we are losers.

That’s why she’s still single. Close-minded people who shut off avenues even before they try it end up with limited options and no boyfriends. They’re stuck in the pool they already wallowing in over the last two decades. Those who entered the pool later on would rather choose younger, prettier and equally willing to commit women.

My friend went into 10 blind dates per year, for two years, before marrying the man she married. That’s like 20+ blind dates from hell, and a whole lot of stories, before finding her happily ever after.

 

If you don’t try it out with a positive attitude, don’t cry if you’re still single. There is NOTHING wrong with dating apps, and if you’re willing to scratch out this option because of a few bad apples, then you’re losing out.

3) Because they are girlfriend material… NOT wife material.

The Internet are awash with posts such as:

Top 30 Signs That Your Girlfriend Is ‘Wife Material’

Apparently, a girlfriend is still different from a wife. They both start out the same way, but end out differently. While a wife can be girlfriend material, a woman who is just girlfriend material finds it hard to be a wife.

Reason being is, for some reason or the other, the guy shies away from proposing! He’s fine with just dating exclusively, and even moving in together, but when it comes to legalizing it, the guy balks and asks why things won’t remain the same.

I honestly think it’s because the woman in question is not wife material. Sure, she’s fun, adventurous and maybe the sex is good, but hey, she’s not really something you want to spend forever after with.

So the question is, what’s the difference between a girlfriend-slash-mistress material, and not a wife? Both are women and someone you’re intimate with. However, why is it that some women get married while others are stuck in dating limbo?

A wife material is someone who guys see as the following:

Not enough?

I asked a guy friend what’s the difference, to which he answered:

With a wife, you think of forever. On whether she is a good fit to your life. On whether she can be a great partner to you in an out of the home.

You wonder if your mom loves her or not, and how she will fit in your family dynamics. If your mom hates her, then she’s purely just fun and girlfriend material. It will be awkward if you married someone whom your family hates.

You also want someone who has her head straight and who isn’t promiscuous or a flirt. Someone who dresses conservatively and doesn’t look like she’s going to the beach or the bar on a daily basis. Sure, it’s nice to marry someone who’s sexy, but you don’t want someone who looks malandi. That’s just someone you’d love to f*ck, not someone you’d like to start a family with.

Lastly, you also think whether or not she’ll be a great mother to your future kids. You want someone who is smart, emotionally stable and can balance you… not a drama queen who’s irresponsible, stresses you out, and incredibly stupid. They say the kids get their brains from their mother, and you don’t want stupid children.

It’s easy to be like a mistress: You’re fun and sexy and probably great in bed. But it’s not as easy to be a wife — there are so many stakeholders that are in play: Both sides of the family, the community, and the kids.

Usually, unless the guy is really head over heels in love with you, he’d rather wait until all ducks are in a row before getting married.

4) Because you’re already over the hill, and they do want kids.

We had our chance when we were in our 20s, dating men one after another, trying to see who is a better fit for us. This continued on until we were in our 30s, when the pickings started to get thinner and thinner.

At 20s, all the guys from their 20s to 40s want to date you. When you’re in your late 30s, guys in their 20s see you as a MILF or cougar. Guys in their 30s want someone who is 20s and more fertile. Guys in their 40s come with baggage (and kids from their first marriage), or some psychological disorder.

What’s more, most men want a progeny. They want someone to carry their line. Many want a kid and a spare.

Case in point, when I first met my future father-in-law, he already criticized me for being old. I was just in my early 30s. At 32 years old in his humble opinion, I was no spring chicken, and was less likely to reproduce an heir.

He was wrong.

I did have a daughter. And yet, it’s not the 4 or 5 kids he envisioned to carry the line. But he is not unusual: Most guys in Asia do want kids. And they are more likely to have children if the woman is younger.

5) Because they are full of negativity.

I know women who complain about the dating pool, “There are so many losers in (Insert place here)! There are no good single guys out here! Only the asshole ones and those who are gay!” 

Another woman who has a successful career at Goldman Sachs moan about the lack of good guys working there. After I congratulated her about working in one of the best investment banks in the world, she quickly retorted, “What do you mean? Here at Goldman Sachs, there’s NO GOLD, NO MAN, AND NO SEX!”

Sometimes, it’s the woman who is the problem. If guys keep on breaking up with you, then you’re not the problem.

Not the men.

6) Because they do not face the reality: That men are a limited resource and sometimes, you just have to make a choice.

My mom told me a story of the building with many floors. Each floor has selections of men to choose from. If you choose someone from that floor, you can no longer go up another floor. You would have to marry that person and stay with that person ever after. However, if you go up one floor, you can no longer go down the previous floor.

The woman went to the first floor and looked at the selection. These were the regular guys they met in school. They were nice, dorky and boring. They were good selections, but she still went up a floor because she wanted to see what the other floor had to offer.

The second floor were those she met in her first job. Everyone was inexperienced, excited and fun. They had limited money but had a lot of time socializing with each other. There were a lot of people on this floor. But since many of them were still wide-eyed and poor, she still went up another floor.

The third floor have less people than the second, but still had enough. These were people who now have 5 years of work experience under their belt. Some were now married to their college sweethearts but were looking for an affair, while others were single but are still in debt having taken their first mortgage on a home. The people on this floor were not yet rich and were still struggling financially, so the woman still went up one more floor.

The woman couldn’t find anyone from floors four to seven. The guys were flawed in their own way. They weren’t good, rich, or cute enough. Those who were cute were assholes, and those who were good were not cute.

So she continued to go up a floor, thinking that maybe, she will find someone better, because everytime she goes up a floor, she usually finds a guy who is.

As she went up the eighth floor, she was surprised. There was nobody on the eighth floor. The room was empty.

And so she cried.

DO NOT BE THIS WOMAN!

In Summary

We often blame the world for our being single. And yet, while we blame others, we wonder how many other women who are less prettier, less sexier and dumber than us keep on getting married before us?

“There is nothing special about her,” we would huff. “Why did she get married earlier than me?”

“Maybe it’s because she settled, or have lower standards?”

“Maybe the guy is okay with someone dumber, and just feels pressure to get married?”

“Maybe because they’ve been dating so long, and heck, it’s time.”

The questions mask the real issue here — Why them and not me?

And I think there lies the problem: We are so quick to blame others but never see our hand on our own mistakes. When we see others who have better luck than we do, we fail to see that it’s actually not luck as to why they are in situations they are in now.

Unless we look deeply in the mirror in front of us, we cannot solve the problems that face us.

It is us who is the problem.

Not the mirror. Not Snow White. Not the kingdom.

And unless we face this reality, we will forever be single, and will watch the world pass us by. And while there is nothing wrong with being single, I hope that it is because of choice that we are. If so, wear singlehood with pride.

But if you are single at 40, and want to get married, then you have to wake up and smell the roses.

Open your eyes.

Stop being a b*tch.

Make an effort.

Start trying out dating apps.

Go out on blind dates.

Promote the fact that you are single and looking.

Give that nice guy a chance.

Stop complaining and start doing.

Be a positive ball of energy.

And for goodness sakes, CHOOSE SOMEONE.

How about you? Do you agree or not? Comments and thoughts appreciated.

 

 

When Debt is a Ticking Timebomb

My father-in-law warned me from being jealous of the very rich men in the country. He said, “Don’t ever think they are rich just because they say they are rich. You never know, they are even poorer than we are.”

What he meant was this, while many businessmen may be paper rich, they may be ultra-poor and drowning in debt.

Debt is a wonderful thing: The money you owed can supercharge a business and make it grow exponentially. Through debt, you can open a large number of stores, increase your workforce, introduce a new product in the market, get a large endorser and increase your brand visibility, among others.

Debt can also kill a business. If overdone and the business cannot pay the debt interest, or if your debtors suddenly pull their support, then your business is dead, leaving you a pariah and poorer than you’ve ever been.

My father-in-law has a friend Mr. H who lives dangerously in the edge. He is known to be rich, and is active in the Filipino-Chinese business community. Weirdly, many other businessmen do not seem to respect him. Despite his high profile and wealth, this friend cannot muster respect from the Filipino-Chinese community.

When I asked my father-in-law why, he said, “It’s common knowledge that (Another Tycoon’s name) does not respect him.” 

Another Tycoon Mr. L owns a bank to which Mr. H owes money. Apparently, it’s a LOT of money, worth in billions!

Put it this way, if the rumors are true, and assuming that the bank rate is 5% per annum, Mr. H would have to pay a whopping Php 25 MILLION per month merely in interest payments!

That’s like buying one condominium unit per month.

No wonder Mr. L scoffs at Mr. H. Despite living in a very prestigious village and touting several businesses, even going as far as appearing in a social media show that highlights him as an angel investor, Mr. H owes a large amount of debt. In the end, all his wealth is in the brink of exploding.

Which is why I can understand Mr. L’s disdain for Mr. H’s high profile lifestyle.

How dare you tout your wealth, lifestyle and riches, even to the point of giving advice to aspiring entrepreneurs on how to make money and be rich like you… only to hide the fact that you are deeply in debt and have to work your ass off to pay the interest just so that your debt will not explode to your face. What’s more, if you are already struggling to pay the interest, how much more can you afford to pay for the principal?

Most likely, this is a debt that can never be paid, and Mr. H is just paying the bare minimum per month (e.g., just the interest payments) for his business to survive.

When I asked my father-in-law why Mr. H took on such a large amount of debt, my father-in-law explained that Mr. H took that risky bet because he thought that the government would approve and buy his products. He thought that if his political bet won the election, Mr. Political Bet would take on his business and roll his product nationwide.

Alas, he bet on the wrong horse. Another candidate won the election and this candidate was a dark horse from the South who had no knowledge of what Mr. H was doing with the previous administration, and was in fact, against everything that the previous administration supported.

So despite already expanding his factory’s capacity to churn out a large amount of product that can be rolled out nationwide and investing millions in marketing his product to the government, all such investments didn’t really push through, leaving him with a large amount of debt with not enough revenue to pay for it.

Learning about this story, I do not want to be Mr. H anymore.

I would rather be happy with my small business enterprise and be relatively “debt” small (e.g., We do have debt but it’s something we strictly budgeted for, and we know we can pay in whole if needed be), than be like Mr. H, who I don’t know how he sleeps at night.

Debt can be a great or dangerous thing.

Before we become jealous to the rich tycoons who rule our land, first understand where they are coming from and if ever they are cash rich or debt poor. Because sometimes, all we see are their huge houses, cash thrown around and glittering TV show, when in fact, it’s just the tip of the iceberg, and truly, the man we think who is very rich is actually poorer than we are.

How about you?

Are you cash rich or debt poor?

Have a good weekend!

 

 

Does your staff have Tom-K?

 

My father-in-law has a rule that he will hire AND keep people who has TOM-K. After 25 years in the business, I think he knows what he’s talking about.

Now, what does Tom-K mean?

T – Tapat (Integrity)

O – Oras (Time to fulfill the job)

M – Malasakit (Empathy for the Company)

K – Kusa (Initiative)

As you may have noticed, Competency is not included in this list. That’s because competence is already a given when you hire someone. You hire someone because you already know they can do the job. That’s the basic requirement. But, you keep someone if they have Tom-K.

Why is Tom-K important for staff longevity?

T – Tapat or Integrity

Tapat or Integrity is important because you need staff you can trust and rely on.

Trust is different from relying on. Relying on is someone you can call when your house is burning and you need help. When there’s an emergency, even if it’s in the most inconvenient of times, you still have the peace of mind that you can call them and they will come.

I have had reliable people before. They’re the ones who chip in when other staff members abandon you. They’re the ones who agree to stay late just to finish a project. They’re the ones who will help you pack up even if it’s after midnight. They’re the ones who don’t go to the family reunion because you sorely need their help.

But integrity is important. For example, what use is a reliable person if she isn’t honest? What if you can depend on her to be there, but secretly, she’s stealing from you? I’ve had such experience as documented here.

When you’re running a business, you need someone you can trust. Someone you can ask to deposit Php 1 M in cash, and won’t run away. Someone who knows the difference between right or wrong.

It doesn’t matter if he is your messenger or your second-in-command. What’s important is you can entrust them to be honest with their work, and to put in their best work even if you’re not constantly watching.

Now, that’s true integrity.

O – Oras (Time to do the job)

What use is an employee if they’re unavailable? I have a very competent assistant right now who has been late a few days in a row. Consequently, work stops when she’s still not there.

My business is in retail and we are open especially on holidays and weekends. To be honest, the only time we are closed is when the mall closes. What if the person want to spend time with their family during holidays? What if they want to take 2 week vacations?

If a person cannot show up to work, then what use is that person?

You need a person who can follow office hours and be there when you need them. If the job requires overtime, they should understand this and not grumble and complain. If the job needs them to answer their phones even if they’re on vacation, then so be it.

Find someone who has the time to do the job, not someone who’ll come up with a million reasons why they can’t be there.

M – Malasakit or Love/Empathy for the Employer

The employer-employee relationship is strictly transactional. People give you a level of service because you pay them. If they go on an overtime, you pay them overtime pay. Everything is professional and by the book. You really get what you pay for.

However, for a business’ longevity, love and empathy need to exist between the employer and employee.

What does this mean?

This means that the employee need to have the heart for the employer. Business is sometimes up and down and it’s hard if an employee abandons ship when you need them the most. Given that they are staking their livelihood onto the company, it’s crucial that they also embody their employer as if they own the company.

It is only then can the employee be excellent. No matter how talented or excellent an employee can be, it’s useless if the employee does not act in your behalf as if they own the company.

Sure, I can always get sales staff who can man our branches and sell our product.

But only those who love their job can reach the quotas and sell. Because they know that sales are the lifeblood of the company, and without sales, the company will shut down. Even if they’re only manning one branch, they do whatever it takes to contribute their share.

Sure, I can always get supervisors who will rove and go around the store.

But only those who love their job who can really get mad when sales are down. They just don’t get mad. They get furious. They push your staff to work harder than they’ve ever had before. When people love their job, you get excellence.

K – Kusa (Initiative)

Initiative happens when you’re not looking. When you’re busy doing other things, you need staff who are doing their best work even when you’re not there.

It’s such a hassle when people don’t have initiative, when they need constant supervision for them to work. If they need a babysitter, then why should I hire them?  That’s why I like staff who I can trust to do the work even when I’m not there. Who don’t just show off to impress, but work because that’s how they really work, even without people looking.

It’s these people with initiative who go the extra mile. And as a business owner, you want the extra mile. Because it is this extra mile who can make your business successful.

When my husband’s dad told me about Tom-K, I just shrugged it off. Anyway, TOM-K should already be a given in any job, right?

No, it’s not a given. In fact, it’s actually rare.

So, continue to do your business. But if you’re looking for people who will stay, look for those with TOM-K. You won’t regret it.

A Sister’s Advice to a Brother on his Wedding Day

Dear Brother,

Welcome to the married club!

Finally, you’ve decided to get married! And if you wonder why I’ve been less opinionated as of late, know I do so because I wanted you to make the most important decision in your life — who you marry — by yourself. Granted that you’ve been with (wife’s name) for so many years, I am sure you’ve made an informed choice. You’ve thought about it long and hard, and decided that she is the right person for you.

Marriage can be a burden or a blessing depending on who you picked as a spouse. If your choice is correct, you’ll think you’re the luckiest guy in the world. Dad made the best choice of his life by marrying mommy. Without mom’s help, I doubt his business would not have flourished nor could we have ended up where we are now. A lot of what daddy became was because of mom. I hope that your now wife can help you in a similar way that mom helped dad. And not just in business, but in life and family as well.

Being married to the right person can be such a relief.

It feels like coming home. You finally found your partner, who can help you carry life’s ups and downs. You have a close confidant you can constantly discuss things with, a helper you can share life’s load with, and a wife who can be a great mother to your children. It’s a very lovely feeling, and it feels like hitting the jackpot. I sincerely hope you feel the same way about your now wife. I know my husband that feels very lucky with me, hahaha!

To be honest, I was quite impressed with how (wife’s name) handled herself during the wedding planning. I was expecting to get a Bridezilla who would insist in getting her own way. We both know of brides who insist on getting a particular type of flower in her wedding. One of my friends insisted on a Php 250,000 wedding dress to be worn only for a few hours. But (wife’s name) seemed to be far from it. She was reasonable of the budget, thorough when booking suppliers, and kept a cool sense of humor despite many hiccups. It’s a great preview to what marriage with her can be, and if she can keep it up, then you’re in for a real treat.

Despite our rocky beginning, husband and I are very lucky to have found each other. To be fair, we don’t fight very much. The last meltdown we had was during our first two months of marriage — when he insisted on using his phone during mealtime — and we’ve had minor disagreements here and there. But that’s also because we don’t fundamentally disagree too much. We share similar views on working, parenting, sense of humor, and living our lives. The fact that husband had one failed marriage also made him more flexible with dealing with me. What’s more, after 16 sessions of pre-marital counselling, we’ve realized it’s better to be married than to be right. Regardless, when we fundamentally disagree, we do have strong shouting matches that last 2-3 hours. Thankfully, this doesn’t happen very much, so we’re happier than most married people out there.

Why? Well, while other people may see only two people with strong personalities coming together, husband and I actually do a lot of day-to-day compromising. We get to the point and tell each other a) what’s troubling is, and b) what we want the person to do.

We talk about our issues directly, and resolve them on the spot. Once we resolve the issue, we come up with a list of things NOT to do so the issue won’t be repeated.

I hope you and (wife’s name) communicate well. Marriage is for life, and people who can’t work out their differences end up with miserable marriages. And it’s awful to be stuck in marriage you don’t see eye to eye with. Many marriages are like that by the way. Don’t believe all happy posts that Facebook shows you. Happy marriages are rarer than you think, and the two people have nobody to blame but themselves on the disintegration of their marriages.

To have a smooth marriage, you have to understand and accept two facts of life: 1) Hindi na magbabago ang asawa mo dahil nagpakasal kayo. If anything, maglalala pa ang bad habits niya, and 2) When you fight, you must quickly figure out how important the matter is to you or her, and kung kanino mas importante yung issue, let that person have their way.

Look, (Wife’s Name) will not really going to change that much. You’re not going to change that much. The more you accept each other’s faults, the more peaceful life will be.

Remember the stuff that annoys you about (wife’s name) when you were dating? They won’t go away. Anything that irritated you before — her indecisiveness, her utter dependence on you, her need to constantly diet to avoid gaining weight, and her irritation towards her mom’s favouritism, among others — it’s just going to get worse. People don’t really change because they get married. In fact, they get even worse!

For example, husband was surprised that I hated to do housework. He thought given my mom was masipag, I would be the same thing. He thought I would change despite the fact that I told him early on that I didn’t like to do housework. Never did he realize that I would be this lazy. So as you can see, this laziness was an awful surprise for him after we got married!

But smart husband, he accepted this as my fundamental flaw: I’m okay with working in the office and balancing the books, but I’m just weak at housework. I simply can’t be bothered.

Now, what if husband insisted that I start doing the laundry and cleaning the toilet? If that happens, then we will fight every day. But since he knows I’m lazy when it comes to housework, he himself picks up the slack and does the laundry (if his mom is away), and cleans the bathroom regularly. Edi walang away, right?

Fact is, even though after marriage, you won’t change much, and (wife’s name) won’t change much. Deal with it. So instead of trying to change each other, know which battles you can win or lose. Work around each other’s weaknesses, and start complementing each other now, weaknesses and all. After dating each other for 7+ years, you already know what (wife’s name) is like, and given you’ve made your decision na, it’s better to accept her, weaknesses and all. Buhat buhat mo na ‘yan habang buhay.

Two, a happy marriage is all about giving and taking. You can’t win every time. You can’t lose every time either. Marriage is literally an endless number of give and take.

One great thing about husband is that when all is said and done, he admits he is wrong when he is wrong. Likewise, I admit if I am wrong when I am wrong. Marriage is a series of decisions you will jointly make, and battles to be fought, but at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself how important an issue is to both of you, and is it worth going to bed angry?

If husband feels an issue is more important to him, I usually let him get his way. If I feel that an issue is more important to me, then I insist I get my way. Take for example the Santorini sunset — even though he thinks a sunset is the same all around the world, I wanted to see the sunset. It was important FOR ME. And there will be a lot of resentment if I don’t get my way. So in the end, a sunset is not worth upsetting your wife over. Spending an afternoon just to see the sunset will not kill him. And it would make his wife really happy. So at the end of the day, we still saw the stupid sunset.

Remember the sunset story when you fight with (wife’s name). Ask yourself, who finds this issue most important? If it’s really important, fight for it. If you don’t care either way, let her have her way. And that’s why while I got my sunset, husband and I still ended up eating Chinese food multiple times in our honeymoon. I prefer eating local food but Chinese food is more important to hubby. So I let him get his way.

As you can see, you win some, you lose some. And that’s what a happy marriage is all about — knowing which battles to win, and which battles to let the other side win.

Marriage is growing up, and starting to be more responsible for your decisions. If you make good decisions, your family will benefit. If not, your family will suffer.

After I got married, mom stopped paying for my Globe and credit card bills. I started paying for our condo’s association dues, electricity bills, gasoline and water bills, and boy, do these bills rack up! I remember shaking my head in surprise just how expensive marriage can be! Whereas before, I was happy spending money online shopping, I now have to be conscious about expenses because every decision I make impacts us financially.

It’s the same as decision making. Given that I married into husband’s family, I feel that I have to be more careful in making the right decisions for our family. Every right decision I make in life and in business propel us forward. Every wrong decision steps us back. Marriage is a conscious step towards adulthood. No longer can you live irresponsibly and have your parents save you. You’re married. Now start being an adult.

That’s why, you have to think carefully on how decisions will impact you and your family. It’s no longer just about you. It’s about your family as well. Make sure that you and (wife’s name) share the same definitions of what the “right” decision is. Seek counsel and think carefully before deciding. It’s your job to help each other make the right decisions. And when both of you make more good decisions than bad, and then the life you will lead will be more stress-free.

Always appreciate your family and never forget your roots.

Mom only has both of us left. And even though you and (wife’s name) are married and living in (name of home), please do not forget mommy, or let (wife’s name) overstep her.  I know a wife’s happiness is important, but a good spouse also understands that we are first and foremost good children, and must do right to our parents.

We both know naman that we are lucky that our mommy will not ask for too much or even abuse. She makes good judgment and without her, we are nothing. As for me, I have already talked to husband and we both agreed how much we appreciate mommy. We are happy to take care of her whenever she needs us. Husband is happy when he sees mommy happy playing with (granddaughter’s name).

But knowing mommy’s pride, she may not want to ask for my help, and instead will ask for your help. Please be there for her as well when she needs you. Always welcome her with open arms and make time for her no matter what happens. And while we know that we are a good spouse to our partners, we are her children beforehand, and we owe everything to her. This is an obligation I am more than happy to keep and I look forward to ensuring that mom will be comfortable and happy for the rest of her life. Agree?

Even though you are married, we will still always be there for you no matter what.

You know you can always count on me to be by your side if you need me. You can always count on my help. Never be afraid or shy to call. Mom has talked about regular dinner outs for just the two of us. Let’s make it happen.

If we don’t look out for each other, who else will? While we think the best from our marriage, I believe that the fact that husband knows you and mom are behind me no matter what, lets him respect me more as an individual. He knows he cannot bully me too much. I think that’s the importance of family backing. There is strength in numbers, and even though it’s important to rely on your spouse in marriage, many times, you still have to rely beyond your marriage, and that’s where family comes in.

I am very lucky to have you and mom behind me. Marriage is hard, and being part of another family apart from your own isn’t easy. But know that you are not alone, and as you are behind me, we are also behind you supporting you. It is important that your spouse appreciates that. Maybe that’s also why husband loves being married to me. He not only loves me and daughter, but also the mother-in-law who cooks steak and buys him toys, as part of the package. That’s what a good marriage is all about.

I hope this letter gives you relief and happiness on your wedding day. While dad could’ve cared less of me getting married, I am ultimately happy with my choice of a life partner.

I remember being in the hotel room with husband after our wedding. We were just talking about the eventful day, and laughing about his boo boo. It was very relaxing to be with husband. As we talked, we both realized at the same time just how lucky we are to have found each other. We may not be perfect. We have our faults. And it’s truly a miracle for both of us to get married (haha, you didn’t help!).

But there we are, married and finally together after a tumultuous courtship. And it’s a great feeling being married to the person God meant for you to be with.

I wish you and (wife’s name) will share the same fate. I pray and hope your decision is a good one, and here’s to a happy marriage and a lifetime of adventure with your new wife! I love you!

Much love,
Bonita

Think about your guests when planning your wedding

A wedding is a happy ceremony celebrated between two families, as an event to cement one’s love for each other. Truth be told, a successful wedding is one where two people marry the persons of their dreams. No matter how much money was spent, what’s important is that you pick the right person to spend the rest of your life with.

Regardless, while the wedding is between the two families, I do believe that the bride and the groom also have to think about their guests when planning their wedding. During my wedding, while preparing for the reception, I remembered feeling an outpouring of love and care for us from our guests.

In a way, by thinking about your guests’ comforts and happiness, you have a smooth and happy wedding ceremony and reception. Happy guests clap more, cheer more, and eat more. Irritated guests leave earlier and talk about your wedding on your way home.

So to make a great wedding, here are a few things you have to particularly focus on before planning a wedding:

1. Think of your guests when deciding your venue. Avoid outdoor venues if you can.

I dislike beach weddings and garden weddings.

They’re hot, outdoors, prone to weather risks (What if it rains? What’s Plan B?), and inconvenient to people walking with heels.It’s difficult for guests to look pretty if they’re walking on uneven surfaces or sand.

What’s more, some guests may be allergic to wildlife. My husband suffered red eyes while I had red elbows because the wedding was outside. Guests who are irritated because of the heat, sweat, sand and allergy, are unhappy guests.

And while we don’t really care about guests who complain — as there will always be guests who will always complain no matter what — it’s better to think carefully and think on behalf of your guests when picking the venue.

Ask yourself if the venue may be too far? If it’s far, don’t hold your wedding from Monday to Saturday. Do it on a Sunday when it’s less traffic.

Ask yourself if the venue is comfortable to the guests.  Especially if you require that your attire be formal, do remember that if you hold your wedding in the open air, beautiful long gowns get dirty and it’s hard to walk when your heels are 3- to 4-inches high.

2. Think about your guests when deciding on a caterer.

First, you have to see what type of guests you’re inviting.

Depending on how high the level of VIP, plan your menu accordingly. Do NOT serve cheap food if you have Erap Estrada as a ninong. As they’re accustomed to good food, they will know if the food is cheap and tinipid lang. 

I always see the food you serve in the wedding as your gift back to your guests for taking the time off their busy schedule to come and celebrate with you. It’s a wedding after all and they’re expecting a delicious feast especially after suffering several inconveniences just to come to your wedding.

And for goodness sakes, if you’re inviting more than 300 guests, serve the food plated or on a round table. It’s more than enough to come dress in long gowns and high heels. We hope that once the program starts, we can enjoy our food in peace without falling in long lines just so we cannot starve.

Make sure that guests are well-fed and aren’t starving. Tell the caterer to serve enough appetizers and canapes before dinner if you’re starting late, and please keep the drinks flowing. On my wedding, I made sure there were unlimited alcoholic drinks as liquor makes for happy guests.

3. Think about your guests when starting the reception. Hungry guests = unhappy guests

On my wedding, we started at 4pm sharp. After the wedding, we made sure that cocktails and canapes were immediately served, and our only order was to keep the drinks flowing.

We started dinner at exactly 7pm. By hook or by crook, we were going to adjust to our guests and not vice versa. We made sure our caterer knew this, and rushed the first course after we started the program between 7pm and 7:15pm by the opening prayer.

There were no relatives singing bad songs. There were no long games about “How do you know your groom/bride?” Just a handful of good speeches made by people who meant something to us to accentuate that the day is a celebration of love justween the both of us.

We were done with our reception by 9:30pm. People went home early that day, which they appreciated.

4. Think about your guests when taking photos. Have your photographer be ready and by your side wherever you go.

My greatest wedding regret was that we only took photos of half of our guests. My husband suffered a little emergency after the first dance and we had to take a 30-minute breather just to correct it.

Consequently, we ran out of time and couldn’t take photo with all of our guests table-by-table. At the end of the day, I think it’s important to remember who took their time to come to your wedding. Likewise, it’s important to remember guests who didn’t bother to show up despite RSVPing.

At the end of the day, as time goes on, you would want to have photos of those who attended your wedding to look back to. So do tell your photographer this is your wish so they can make it happen.

5. Lastly, think about your guests even after the wedding.

To end, while it’s great you’re happy after finishing such a tiring event, you still have to take the time to show appreciation to your guests. To be honest, I spent the next 3 days texting and thanking each guest we went for their presence and for taking the trouble for attending the wedding.

In a way, it’s like the cookie test. You don’t have to give cookies, but people do appreciate a token of appreciation now and then.

Say thank you for them attending your wedding. If you already know what gifts they gave, do send them a note that you’ve received the gift to show appreciation.

Do this for every guests no matter how many they are. A guest list of 300 or 1,700 does not differ. These people took the time to celebrate with you, and it’s crucial that you thank them for their efforts.

Once again, think about your guests when preparing your wedding. And while this day is between you and your partner, you can never go wrong by thinking of your guests too.

 

Dad’s Words of Wisdom: Being Hands on in Business

When we got married, my husband’s father gave us a very small business to manage. It was supposed to be our “bread and butter.”

When he gave us the business, it wasn’t cashflow steady. It was not profitable and we were running at almost break-even, often times losing money.

But it was a great platform for us to learn the trade.

My husband’s dad emailed us the following to encourage u to be hands on in business. He wasn’t kidding. Today, I am the one who source and price the product, and manage sales and operations. It’s a tedious role, and sometimes, it hurts my head to see how my work is never-ending.

And yet, he was right with the pleasure that comes in managing your own business.

I am sharing this to you because words of wisdom from older, more experienced people, are always handy. Plus, I would like to document this well.

Hope you enjoy his words of wisdom:

============================================

In business, you always hear the word “hands on”. There is no substitute to be a “hands on” in managing your own business. Because, by being “hands on”, you will know every phase, every in and out of your business.

 

This is very contrary to working for a big multinational organization or conglomerate. Because your job is what we call “de kahon”. You are literally confined in a box, both in your office table and duties & responsibilities.

 

Managing one own’s business give you the flexibility to unleash your own talent and making a go for it.If you work in a corporate setting, you are constrained or limited to do only what your boss told you to do.

 

I have decided to pull out (staff name) from (company name) after the transition period to give you and (husband) the flexibility of getting your own people. That being the case. I suggest that you should treat yourself as a “hands on” boss to janitor.

That means, you learn and can do everything yourself.

 

Once you know what you are doing and what needs to be done, you can then hire people to help you do particular tasks. You will then know whether the person you hire is up to par or not. From there, you can start building up your own organization.

 

It is difficult for a 40 years old servant to serve a 20 year old master (although there are exception) compare with a 20 year old servant to serve a 40 year old master.

 

History has more stories about the 20 year old servant who has been loyal and have serve his master well if they are treated well by the master. They remain loyal until the dead of his master.

 

I have make out a list of things that are to be done continuously non-stop. You should learn how to do this yourself. Because when push come to shove, and all your hire hand resign or desert you, you should see to it that you can still operate.

Otherwise, you are dead.