What to do if you found your yaya on Facebook

Congrats, you found your first yaya on Facebook!

Not only do you save money from paying hefty agency fees, you most likely found the yaya of your dreams who will be loyal to your family, take good care of your child, and is literally a Godsend.

But wait, you’re afraid to take the jump.

You’re worried that there’s no employer referrals for you to base your trust on. You’re worried she might endanger your baby. You’re worried that she’ll wear your clothes and post them on Facebook. And you’re worried that she’ll steal from your family.

All of these are very valid concerns.

There are so many bad yayas stories out there that there’s a closed Facebook group called Bad Maids PH for all the bad yayas stories happening in the Philippines.

I have found yayas on Facebook. 

When my old yaya suddenly left last December 2018, I scoured online for her replacement. The first yaya Arlene stayed for 6 days. Here’s my post on how elated I was when I first got her.

I continued my search after she told me after 6 days of work that her husband had an emergency and she had to cater to his needs for 24 hours before returning to work. Despite initially agreeing that her first day off would be after a month of service, she asked me for an immediate day off before the week was done.

I asked her to pack her belongings, paid her for 6 days of work and asked her to sign a quitclaim. Attached is my quitclaim here.

The second yaya I found within 2 days.

Sharon was happy and optimistic, but couldn’t stand the hours. She said she had a headache and needed to cater to her daughter’s pageant. I think it was more of family reasons that she left. She called it quits in 11 days time.

The third yaya I found after Sharon told me that she wanted to leave, but would respect the 30 day notice period, which we had under contract. I once again looked online, and found Zeny on Facebook.

Here are my Top 10 Tips in Finding a Yaya Online.

Yaya Zeny is still with us and our daughter is happy with her. Her daughter took care of the pamasahe from Mindoro to Manila, and so far, despite being older, she’s a pretty decent yaya whom we entrust to take our child to school and back, feed her, and make sure she doesn’t die.

My instructions to a prospect yaya is very simple, “Huwag gutumin. Huwag walain. And huwag patayin.”

After three yayas found on Facebook, all I can tell you is,

1. Have them sign an employment contract as soon as they start.

Make sure that you discuss with them all the details of their employment and rules of your household BEFORE they start working for you.

Attached is the Contract for New Yayas for your reference: New Maid Contract – Generic.

Personally, my rules are very clear as follows:

• No cash advance, bale or padala pamasahe. Crying about a family tragedy won’t work in me giving them pautang. If there’s a family tragedy, we will help out of the goodness of our heart,  but not because they asked for it.
• No cellphones while on duty.
• No emergency day offs. Sundays as preferred rest days. They have to inform me a few days before when they will day off so we can arrange our schedules accordingly.
• Doing the laundry via washing machine are part of their job descriptions. There’s just three of us in the family and no ironing is needed. But I don’t like yayas who tell me that they should only be responsible in childcare and that’s it.

2. Observe them closely on the first few days. 

I always keep an eye on the new yaya when they first start. I look at their working attitude, eating preferences, etc. and determine if I like them or not.

We like going to the malls and the yaya chooses to chase after my daughter when this happens. I do NOT stupidly let the yaya take care of my child alone when she’s new.

I would accompany them, keep an eye on the yaya, and see if there’s any red flags I should watch out for.

I look at yaya’s body language and attitude to see whether she likes her job and my child. Some yayas only accept this job due to the high pay but care nothing of my child.

The best yaya is someone who will eventually hug and show true concern for my child. You can see it if you open your eyes.

Be wary of the yaya who keeps her distance from your child.

Only leave the yaya alone with the child without any supervision after you feel comfortable, and not before. If your mommy gut feel shows serious reservations — like there’s something wrong with the yaya — follow your gut feel and observe yaya even more.

3. Do NOT believe what the yaya tells you all the time. Trust only after it’s earned, NOT before.

Yayas will lie.

For example, when I was looking for yayas, I’ve had 3 applicants who told me that they would show up but didn’t.

Literally, you’ve already set the day and place and time of arrival, and for some reason or another, they do NOT show up. One yaya even showed me the photo of her packed belongings to show that she’s ready to start, but couldn’t because her child got sick.

It is useless to concern yourself about their excuses. Watch what they do, NOT what they say.

It is useless to argue with a yaya. If you see a yaya who do not do what they say, get rid of her and move on to the next applicant. If she can’t keep her word in the beginning, she will be like that in the future.

Stop worrying about useless things and just move on.

4. Terminate with pay if you don’t like them.

While it’s hard to find a yaya nowadays, you should not tolerate a yaya’s bad attitude and misbehavior just because you’re desperate.

Like for example, Yaya# 1, it was annoying for me that she asked for a rest day within 6 days of employment when it was clear from the get go when she should have her first rest day. I thought that she’s already taken care of the husband and her household before starting to work, but I guess I was wrong.

I was also okay with Yaya# 2’s leaving after she brought up her concern. She liked me, but she was not fit to be a yaya anyway. So as long as she carried out her 30-day notice period, I was fine with her leaving. In the end, I allowed her to leave at 11 days with pay, after I found my next yaya Zeny.

Make sure that you have them sign the voucher proving that they’ve received their last pay and a quitclaim. Here’s my quitclaim for your records. This is the QuitClaim – Generic word document.

Once they sign the quitclaim and get their last pay, exit them from your house swiftly.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you investigate their bags thoroughly and escort them out of your gate before letting them go. Accompany them when they leave your house.

Many yayas pack a separate bag and leave it by the gate. Once you check their bags, they then get this separate bag before leaving your house.

5. Repeat the process if necessary.

I have probably reviewed 30+ bio-data, interviewed more than 10 yayas and suffered many disappointments in a day before I found our Yaya Zeny.

Here were my notes on the initial few days — as you can see, finding a yaya takes a lot of time and effort:

These were the yayas I said no to after I interviewed them:

Like any endeavor, finding a yaya takes a lot of time and effort.

The biggest mistake any mother makes is to assume that you do NOT need to give a lot of effort, and a good yaya will come on its own.

“I will just wait for a referral para sigurado,” that mommy would say. They would pester you for referral and justify their lack of yayas by saying that all yayas are bad, and it’s better that she take care of her child na lang than to have a bad yaya.

Actually, there are many good yayas out there. You just have to go and look for them. If you do not make an effort, how can you find a yaya?

Years has passed and she alone is taking care of her child(ren) with no help in tow. Then she will just sigh and pat herself in the back for stepping up because no other yaya can take care of her daughter as well as she did.

I work. I don’t have that luxury. I need a yaya for my daughter. So I look and look. I make a career out of looking for a yaya.

As you can see from my notes, I put in the effort in looking for a yaya, scouring the Internet and agencies for them, interviewing them, and being disappointed when I don’t work out. I have good relationships with agencies since they also provide me with a good pool of yayas when I need them.

At the end of the day, I am almost always rewarded for my hard efforts. Thanks to God, barring Christmas season, I can usually find a yaya within a week of looking.

But that’s because I put in the effort.

Are you putting in the effort?

BONUS TIP: When you find a good yaya, take good care of them. The best way to find a good yaya is to not lose a good yaya.

I know in my heart that any yaya would be so lucky to start in my household.

We pay our yayas well. Treat them with respect. And are considerate of their needs without letting them be abusive of your kindness.

With us, they can really save money. Every yaya that came out from our employ always brought a lot more bags than they first arrived. Which is why our old yayas do ask to be taken back after they’ve left as follows:

Even though I was so desperate for a yaya, I didn’t ask her back. I tried to ask help from the agencies and scoured online to look for a new one.

And after many days of trying, we found our yaya.

I hope that this helps you in finding a good yaya for your child(ren). Good yayas are out there. All you do is have hope, make an effort, and try and try until you succeed.

Good luck Mommies!

Wife Advice: Support the Husband in all his Endeavors

We are all at the Manila Autosalon to support the husband.

He has a booth at the show, and we have come to give our full support on a Sunday afternoon.

I’ve asked my three year old to pass out pamphlets, and even yaya is there to help. There she is, passing out stickers and marketing collaterals:

Even my mother is part of the festivities. She’s in her 70s but so far, she’s still a trooper:

To be honest, I’m a bit tired.

I’ve been working 6 days this week and had experienced many discouragements at work. Today was a day I could zone out and let my mind breathe a little to try to forget all my problems.

But the Manila Autosalon is merely once a year. It’s the largest car show in the country right now and husband invested quite a bit of money on this marketing effort to promote his company’s new product, ECU reflash.

How can I selfishly insist that my wants and needs be met, instead of supporting him especially at this critical time? 

So we are all here to support.

We gather our strength, take a deep breath, and show up. Not only do we show up, but we really show up. We give pamphlets, buy the workers food and drinks and talk to customers.

Because my husband needs us, and with us there, work becomes an enjoyable family effort.

Who says that work and family should be separate?

Husband appreciates this.

He gives me a hug and tell me that he’s glad that we are here for him.

Sure, he’s tired too from four days of talking and entertaining customers. His feet hurt and his voice sore.

But at least we are all here, and he doesn’t need to worry about us anymore.

He doesn’t have to worry about our kid cause she’s here with us, nor does he have to worry about me because I obviously support what he’s doing. I know it’s for our sakes and his family.

What’s more, I don’t have to worry about him and his eyes wandering. Hahaha! There’s a lot of beautiful models at any car show… not that I’m ever threatened. 🙂

A beautiful car show model.

Later on, we will eat a late dinner as a family.

We will talk about our day, he will tell me about his achievements and I will listen to him and give him advice on how he can even do better next time.

Supporting him brings us closer.

We create more shared memories, and on the plus side, husband feels that we are more of a team.

And at the end, that’s what makes marriages stronger and deeper — the fact that you’re a team, working for a common good, building each other up and encouraging each other.

Rest can come next week. I can always find time to rest and recharge.

But my husband needs us. Given that we have a small business, he needs all the help he can get.

So we are all here.

“I’m glad I married you,” he said. “You make me a better man.”

And all of us are happier as a result.

Summer is Here! And so are Summer Classes!

Pre-school just ended this week, and summer has just begun. Apparently, my daughter has 3.5 months of summer break to enjoy before she resumes her regular classes.

Fortunately, so many people are offering a broad variety of summer classes. That’s why, I’m swamped with deciding which activity I am to enroll her. Yipee!!!

While money is no object (since many of the classes are affordable anyway), I have to be more selective on which class to enroll her since I don’t want to tire her unnecessarily.

I still do want her to enjoy summer as she’s only 3 years old. 🙂

Just in case you’re wondering, my decisions are based on five important factors, as follows:

1. Schedule for more convenient Logistics – The classes must fit each other.  I don’t want her classes to be all over the place.
2. Location – It still has to be graphically desirable.
3. Enrolling her must make sense on the type of person I want her to be – Sorry, but I don’t think I’d want her to be a ballerina, so ballet classes while cute, is a no go.
4. Talent – She must have a natural affinity for it. My daughter cannot draw and doesn’t seem to be interested in coloring so no art classes for her.
5. Reviews and Referrals – Which is why I picked two of her classes, CMA and The Reading Station. Both programs come highly recommended by my peers.

To be honest, her learning how to cook or to dance may be cute, but we don’t really think it’s that important at this time.

We can teach her how to cook and bake at home (or at least, wait until she’s a little bit older to appreciate it), and from what I heard, dancing classes at such a young age may not be optimal as other older kids may overshadow her.

In the end, I’ve enrolled her in the following classes, and I’m very happy with my choices. Here they are for your reference:

1. Swimming Classes: Aqualogic Swim Co.

My class of choice is from Aqualogic Swim Co.

Photo Credit: Aqualogic Swim Co.

Swimming is a very important life skill, and I think it’s important for a child to get over their fear of water at a young age. Aqualogic has a lot of venues available, and their Richmonde Hotel Ortigas class is set in an indoor heated pool (I like!).

Rates are also reasonable given how important swimming is as a skill to learn:

We are enrolling our daughter twice a week for the entire summer. It’s easy to enroll them. Simply text their numbers and they’re quite responsive.

To contact them:

Aqualogic Swim Co.
Tel: 0917-858 2782, 0917-703-6386, 02-703-6386

2. Math: CMA Mental Arithmetic

I wanted to enroll her at CMA ever since we conceived our child, but was forced to wait until she was 3 years old before we could enroll her.

This is the class that excited us the most. Why?

Watch and be impressed:

Here’s her assignment for Class 1 — Pairing builds up familiarization to the Chinese Abacus. Even my husband wants to learn how.

After seeing the kids compete in a CMA Competition in SMX, we were sold. We’ve been wanting to enroll her ever since. Can’t believe she’s starting now. 🙂

The rates are also reasonable for me:

Php 4,200 for 8 sessions + Php 2,500 for materials = Php 6,700.00 per month
Makeup classes: 2 classes

To inquire:

CMA Mental Arithmetic
East of Galleria Building, Topaz Road, Ortigas Center, Pasig City
Tel: +63 2 584 9670, +63 917 568 6875
https://www.cma.ph/

3. Reading: The Reading Station

Self explanatory. I believe that books open up a lot of world for kids and so far, I’ve heard a lot of good reviews about The Reading Station. There are a lot of branches available, and I booked the branch that is closest to my husband’s place of work:

Taken from the website, here are the program details:

The Phono-Graphics Reading Program (COURSE LENGTH: 2 1/2 years to 3 years)

COURSE DESCRIPTION

The Phono-Graphics Reading Program also known as the PGRP is a course for Early Reading Literacy. With practice, training and discipline, goals are achieved.

The program is designed for non readers and emergent readers ages 3 1/2 to 7 years old.

Kids who are found to be more than 7 years old but with reading skills covered still in the program are accepted in the center.

Special emphasis is given to decoding, encoding, comprehension and early love for reading.

COURSE GOALS

• Early Reading (Decoding)
• Spelling (Encoding)
• Comprehension Skills
• Vocabulary Build up
• Sentence Construction
• Language Skills
• Basic Paragraph Writing
• Reading Discipline
• Very Early Love for Reading

Rates are a little bit higher but let’s try before we complain — Php 18,000 for 36 hours or 3 months program, at one hour per class.

To inquire, book for an assessment at the branch closest to you:

The Reading Station – Philippines
MAIN BRANCH
Unit C, 109 Scout De Guia, Brgy.,
Sacred Heart, Quezon City, Philippines
Tel: +63 917 100 5252  •  +63 2 358 3337
Branches:  http://www.trs.ph/branches.html
Website: http://www.trs.ph/index.html#about

4. Conversational Mandarin: Bless Learning Resources

This is the first time for me to try Bless Learning Resources but their summer program looks very interesting.

I talked to Teacher Eliza today, and was interested in their conversational Mandarin class. Ideally held 3x a week for the summer period for one hour per class, their conversational Mandarin focuses on words that are regularly used daily like:

“How are you?”

“What’s your name?”

“How much is it?”

It’s a great complement to her now Chinese classes at her preschool.

To inquire:
Bless Learning Resources
Address: 219-6 Biak na Bato corner Makaturing St. Brgy Manresa Quezon City
Tel: 560-4519, 0943-858-3211
Look for Eliza

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

I’ve stopped at enrolling my daughter at four since just these alone will give her a busy schedule with two varied classes per day. Here’s her schedule:

• Swimming: 2x a week, 1 hour per class
• CMA Math: 2x a week, 1 hour per class
• The Reading Station: 3x a week, 1 hour per class
• Conversational Mandarin: 3x a week, 1 hour per class

Overall, I’m happy with her choices. I know it looks like a lot, but it’s over a space of 6 days so it’s quite loose.

I will revisit this post after daughter finishes her programs to give you an unbiased review on how good these programs really are.

Have a great weekend everyone!

10 Practical Tips when Visiting Universal Studios Singapore if you have Kids 3 Years Old and Above

If you’re in Singapore, the best attraction to go to if you have kids 3 years old and above is a day trip to Universal Studios. It’s fun, something different and definitely an experience to remember. In short, it’s a great reasonably priced way to spend time with the entire family.

Here’s my top 10 tips on making a trip to Universal Studios especially if you have kids:

1. Go on a weekday for best results.

Universal Studios Singapore get very crowded on the weekend. If you can, go on a weekday.

We went on a Friday, and it was still comfortable. Sure, some popular rides had lines that last an hour, but it’s still better than to line up on a Saturday or Sunday.

2. Take a taxi if you’re coming from the city. Not the subway or Grab Car.

Interesting fact: Since Grab utilizes private vehicles, kids are required to use car seats if you’re bringing little kids. If you ride a taxi, not only is it equally safe, but car seats are optional.

We took a taxi from Orchard Road and it cost us a reasonable SGD 10 from Orchard Road to Universal Studios. The taxi drops you right by Resorts World Sentosa, which is a short walk to Universal Studios.

Given that we had one stroller, one naughty 3 year old kid and two adults, a taxi was a fine way to get around Singapore at an affordable price. No need for unnecessary transfers!

Added plus: Singaporean taxi drivers are a chatty bunch. I’ve had lovely conversations with all of the taxi drivers we engaged with this trip.

3. Take a souvenir photo at the Universal Studios Singapore globe.

Make sure that the globe spells “Univers” when you make that shot.

Yes, it’s okay to ask the other visitors to take your photo.

They won’t run off with it because it’s Singapore. 🙂

4. Buy your tickets via Klook: Less Lines, Zero Hassle 

We bought the tickets via Klook, and it was a breeze.

All you have to do is show your Electronic ticket by the door, and you’re in. No need to line up in the Singapore heat:

The more you buy, the more you save. The price is a measely Php 150 cheaper, but with the added credits earned when you’re a Klook user helps. When we bought for example, I used the code and saved HKD10.

5. Make sure your child avails most of the rides if allowed by height requirement. 

My daughter is 3 and she was able to ride most of the rides. The rides can be ridden based on height requirement, and my daughter was able to ride most of the rides except for Cyclone, The Mummy, and Jurassic Park Rapids Adventure.

Here were some of the rides that she partook as a 3-year old. My niece who was 6 months old pretty much stayed in the stroller, but a 3-year old girl can already enjoy most of the park.

6. Bring your own stroller. 

Save money from renting and simply bring your own stroller. You can hang your shopping on the side, or have your child nap when he/she gets tired.

There’s a designated stroller parking beside every attraction, and it’s perfectly safe to just leave most of your things unattended while you go on the rides. Just make sure to bring your money bag with you.

7. Take advantage of the SINGLE RIDER option especially with popular rides. 

Popular rides like Transformers The Ride (Sci-Fi City, F4), Revenge of the Mummy (Ancient Egypt, E2), and Jurassic Park Rapids Adventue (D5, The Lost World), and Canopy Flyer (The Lost World, D2) have the Single Rider option you can fully take advantage of.

If you go in via the Single Rider option, you are what we call the “Panakip butas.”

The Single Riders ride in USS is almost always surprisingly empty. Hence, it’s a great way to ride the attraction faster since everyone always takes the regular attraction line since they want to sit with their companions.

While most groups would want to ride together, Single Riders can be inserted in any group whenever there’s a seating gap in a ride. That’s why, this line is so fast.

At the peak hour, it only took us a brief 10-15 minute wait for Transformers. Whereas riding the Mummy on peak hour took us 70 minutes for the regular line.

No point with sitting together with your companions. Take the Single Rider line instead.

8. Make time for the shows, even though they’re a bit disappointing. 

Here’s the list of shows available at Universal Studios Singapore. Many of them run short — the Madagascar Boogie lasts only 10-15 minutes before proceeding to picture taking, but it’s worthwhile to catch them if you can.

Catch the Waterworld Show (1:30pm, 5:00pm and 8:30pm): It’s a classic and fun to watch, complete with fire and water special effects.

Is Shrek 4D considered a show? Please don’t miss it. It was really fun. The Donkey Live Show however was a bit boring and can be missed if you’re out of time.

9. Position yourself in New York by the Diner for the Parade at 7:30pm. 

We sat in front of the Spaghetti Space Chase Theatre (Close to the Diner) and was able to get an amazing view. of the parade which started on 7:30pm.

This position already signals the end of the line, which is most likely why this is the best position to watch the parade.

The parade only lasts till 8:00pm so it was super short. There were only a handful of floats that were presented, but if you are already there, might as well go. Selected Saturdays include fireworks, but going on a Saturday may not be worth it especially given longer lines.

10. BEST TIP EVER: Ride all the rides from 8pm!

After the parade, everyone was keen to go home and eat especially since many of the restaurants were already closed by that time. Hence, there were literally ZERO or minimal lines after 8pm. This was the BEST time to go around the park.

We left all our bags with our relatives by the Diner (Remember the 6 month old baby?), and ran all the way through all the rides.

From 8pm to 9pm, we were able to ride the Jurassic Park Rapids Adventure, Canopy Flyer, Revenge of the Mummy, the Puss in Boots Giant Journey, the Cyclone Roller Coaster twice, and the Transformers.

Given this new information, if you visit, go on a weekday, start late afternoon, and end at 9pm when the park officially closes. Ride what you can, but if the line is too long, wait until the parade finishes and ride the popular attraction twice or three times.

In summary, come and visit the Universal Studios Singapore if you visit Sentosa. It is a worthwhile place to go to for the day especially if you have toddlers in tow. The price is also reasonable given the quality of the rides, and if you live in Singapore, it may be worthwhile to get the Annual Pass.

Regular ticket prices is only SGD79. If you go to USS 2.5 times more, then it’s well worth your money already.

Universal Studios Singapore
8 Sentosa Gateway, Singapore 098269
Operating Hours: 10am to 9pm
https://www.rwsentosa.com/en/attractions/universal-studios-singapore/explore

Why I let my Mother Spoil my Daughter

My mother is in her 70s, and boasts of only two grandchildren — one by me, and the other is my brother’s 5 month old daughter.

Much to her annoyance, we married quite late, and while all her siblings has had numerous apos, many of which were sons, she’s just stuck with two.

However, despite not having that many grandkids, my mother showers my daughter with much unconditional love, toys and gifts.

After my daughter was born, my mom who lived elsewhere, would make a trek to my house at least twice a week to gawk and stare at my daughter. When daughter was older, she became more demanding, and the gifts from her loving grandmother kept on coming.

Mothers who believe in the Montessori method will shake their heads in disbelief. My house is full of my daughter’s toys, all bought by my mother for my daughter. She buys from 168 so it’s not that expensive, but since my mom buys ALL THE TIME, it all adds up.

The Marie Kondo method does not work on us, as everything for my daughter sparks joy.

Just last week for example, my mom took my daughter to Toy Kingdom.

After scouring the shelves and playing with the toys for free, my daughter managed to sucker her grandmother in buying the following:

“It’s only Php 1,200 a set,” my mom claimed. “Cheaper than 168!”

The problem was not that it was cheaper, or whether it was affordable for her. The issue was that I already have two kitchen sets at home — one wooden, and the other one plastic.

“But this has a different design!” the insistent grandmother exclaimed. “A small price for happiness!”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I let my mom buy my daughter a toy. This is them with their haul:

I only have one important reason in letting my mom buy this toy for my daughter —

My mom is happy to be a good grandmother to my daughter. Buying for my kid SPARKS JOY to my mom.

My mom is now 70+ years old.

Through the many years, she and my dad worked hard, made sacrifices, and held back on their purchases to ensure that my brother and I have a bright future.

The first time she bought something for herself was 6 years ago, when she asked me whether she should buy sports shoes as she never had a pair. It broke my heart to see my mom never having to buy anything for herself, as she has showered us kids with what should have been hers.

My daughter is just three. She will live longer than my mother.

Hence, my mom only has a few decades to live vs. my daughter. If my mom passes away earlier, my daughter will only have remnants on what type of grandmother she had. If that is the case, one of the best gifts I can give my daughter is that she is unconditionally loved by her grandmother.

My mom has a few years to spoil my child.

Twice a week visits will NOT spoil her as my child lives in our stricter household.

But I do not want to deprive my mom from the joys of grandparenthood. 

At the end of the day, our children is ours. My mom is merely borrowing my daughter for a few hours and together, they make each other feel good.

I let her spoil my child now and then. That’s one of the best things of being a grandkid, and a grandmother. It will NOT kill me to let them have their fun.

Here is my mom and my daughter with their haul, walking hand in hand, happily back to the carpark:

I will not be annoyed because she spoiled my child for Php 1,200. It’s just money. And I don’t want to be the killjoy to them both by muttering and complaining to her that she’s spoiling my child.

Instead, I will bask at these photos, seeing them walk hand in hand, knowing that my mom loves my daughter, and my daughter loves her back:

It’s heartwarming and well within my control to give. And this is why I let my mom spoil my child, and let my child sucker my mom.

It won’t be forever, and it’s best to leave your kid with fond loving memories of the grandmother who loves her to death. Because that’s one best gift we can give to our children — the love of the grandparents.

Have a great week ahead!

Mommy Chronicles: How to Raise a Budding Entrepreneur

“One dollar! One dollar!” exclaims my daughter as she tries to sell her wares to my staff from the shop set her grandma gave her today.

She must have learned selling from Ryan’s Toy Review. Either that, or one dollar is too cheap a price for legitimate wares.

Another Mommy asked how to teach kids entrepreneurship a few days before.

My father was an entrepreneur.

My mother was an entrepreneur.

And I later grew up to be an entrepreneur as well.

I don’t really remember my parents actively teaching me how to be an entrepreneur.

So how the heck did I turn out to be one?

It’s the Littlest Most Mundane Details

My father used to teach me about entrepreneurship without me knowing it.

We would go to a restaurant, and we would analyze if this restaurant was profitable or not.

“How many staff are there at the store?” he would ask.

“There’s ten,” I’d answer. And would proceed to count them one by one.

“Good,” he would reply. “If each employee cost php 13,500, how much would the total labor cost be?”

“₱13,500 times ten is php ₱135,000.” The middle school me would answer, pleased that my multiplication tables can now be used.

He continues to ask, “Let’s say rent and overhead which includes electricity is php 60,000, how much is the total cost of running this business?”

“₱135,000 plus ₱60,000 equals php 195,000.” I would answer. This is easier math.

“So let’s say cost of doing business is rounded up to php200,000, how many meals do you need to sell to break even?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked, now confused.

“Okay, how much is the price per meal?” He would then ask.

“It’s php 100,” I would answer. “And there’s four of us so that’s php 400 for our table, more or less.”

“Now, if the cost of the food is php 30 per order, that means per meal has php 70 of profit,” he concludes. “If you make php 70 per meal, how many meals do you sell to break even?”

Ahhhhhh…. see the point?

“Cost of business is php 200,000. Divide php 200,000 by php 70 profit per meal, how many meals is that?” He asked.

“2858 meals!” I excitedly answer.

“Now divide 2858 meals by 30 days, how many meals must be sold per day to break even?”

“95 to 96 meals a day, daddy,” I answered.

“Or 50 meals per lunch and dinner,” he would say. “Or around 10 to 15 tables per meal hour. Look around you. Is this restaurant full? How many diners are here on a weekday lunch?”

There was only 4 tables dining. Two had two people, one was a sole diner and there was us, 4 on a table — or 7 people in total.

“The restaurant isnt making money,” he concluded. “It will close down in a few months unless they change something. Anything.”

“How sure are you, daddy?” I asked.

“Do the math,” he said. “And you will know.”

Sure enough, the business DID close down.

It was tragic to see.

I am sure that the owners were well intentioned and had high hopes and dreams when they opened the store, but you can’t fight against the tide if the numbers were against you.

And that was how my dad taught me about entrepreneurship.

Not by reading a book or taking a class.

But by analyzing every business that we come in.

Every single day.

My daughter is only 3 and there’s still more to teach her.

Right now, she’s just selling things for one dollar. Tomorrow, hopefully she’ll be selling more at a profit.

Teaching about entrepreneurship is like building the pink towerZ

You talk to her everday about the most mundane things, and build it up, until years later, without her really knowing it, she inevitably becomes an entrepreneur.

Because this was what her parents did.

Because this was something you guys talked about every day.

Because this was her training.

Because this training became her calling.

And that is how you raise an entrepreneur.

One day at a time.

When your 3 Year Old gets Stubborn

My daughter refuses to finish her lunch because she wants to open up her new gift, a Cinderella castle made of Lego.

So she’s at the floor moping, whining and refusing to eat her lunch.

It’s dirty on the floor, but she doesn’t care. She wants to play Lego with her daddy, and SHE MUST BE FOLLOWED.

Mind you, she just turned 3 last December.

This is going to be fun.

So, we stick it in: No reward if you don’t listen to Mommy and daddy.

She goes around the living room.

She plays with other toys.

She goes to the kitchen.

Crosses her arms and pouts several times.

We push her to eat.

No banana.

Lord, she is stubborn.

She tries to stall, cry, whine and delay the process.

We stick it out.

Today’s our rest day and we have nowhere to go.

Finally, she eats.

She eats hesitantly, still goes around the dining area, but she eats.

And finishes her corn.

“Now Cinderella castle?” she asks me.

“Sure, Cinderella castle,” I replied.

It was an old gift given to her by her grandmother. It’s really for her anyway.

She is happy.

Now, she and her dad play the Lego castle this afternoon.

Sigh, since when did 3 year old kids start to reason out like this? When I was a kid, my dad’s rule was law and everyone simply listened and followed.

My 3 year old has her own mind. She wants to be followed. And she sulks when she doesn’t get her way.

“Mommy and daddy fight with me,” she would say.

Well, she’s 3.

We make the rules, and kids must follow them. And if they don’t, we won’t lift a single finger and give them what they want.

Looks like it’s working. 😇😍❤️

To more fights and adventures ahead!

How to Protect your Marriage Against Adultery

This week, Amazon owner and billionaire Jeff Bezos and his wife announced they were going through an amicable divorce after four kids and 25 years of marriage.

A day after their announcement, the real reason for the divorce was dropped to the media — Apparently, the tycoon was having an 8-month affair to celebrity host, Lauren Sanchez, complete with cringy sexts that include cheesy words like:

“I love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon,”

And

 “I want to smell you, I want to breathe you in. I want to hold you tight.… I want to kiss your lips…. I love you. I am in love with you,” 

The media also alludes to Bezos sending his mistress nude photos of his supposedly big junk.

With fake boobs and lip fillers, who can complete with the brunette bombshell?

MacKenzie Bezos married Jeff when he was relatively poor after meeting him at DE Shaw. She was one of the first employees at Amazon, and did the company’s accounting on its first year.

As Jeff is now worth USD 136.9 billion and there was no prenup, we can daresay that Mrs. Bezos is probably the BEST investor in the world:

---

I share this news as a cautionary tale that husband cheating on their wives can happen to just about anyone. Last year, the couple happily celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.

A few months later, they are getting divorced.

Because of another shameless woman, and probably more.

It’s really that fast, ladies.

So the question is, How does one protect our marriages?

I have only been married to my husband a little shy of 5 years so I am not one to talk. But I do notice some similarities between couples who have remained married through the ups and downs of life.

My mom and dad is one successful love story — Until my father’s death, my parents were inseparable, and theirs is a lesson on how to protect one’s marriage. Here’s how:

1. They spend every day together. Where my dad was, she was there too.

I’ve always wondered why my mom is always with my dad wherever he went. Where my dad is, there she was too. My husband’s mother is also the same. Combined together, our parents have a combined 80 years of successful marriage between them.

Regardless of the occasion, my mom has always found her way to accompany my dad. I remember when I was in my teens, we joined my dad to Pegasus, a night club, for his friends gathering.

It was just a habit for my mom to accompany my dad wherever he went that even during bachelor parties, she was there and was the resident cool chick.

“I knew of all their wives and their mistresses,” she would tell us. “It’s a boy’s thing. And we just let them be. It was their life after all.”

My mom was always beside my father that it never occurred to anyone that it was weird that she was there even during my father’s friends’ partook of extra-curricular activities. Everyone simply accepted that when they invited my dad, his wife and family would come along. Hence, we were present even during his business meetings and trips or when he played mahjong.

Later on, I realized that this wasn’t the norm and most wives stayed at home while their husbands had their good time. I think my mommy’s presence was a big reason why my father stayed loyal to her until he died of old age.

2. My father was super dependent on my mother for everything.

My mom was very smart. She was so efficient that she took care of my dad’s most basic tasks.

In the morning when he woke up, she has already laid out his toothbrush and toothpaste, his clothes and everything he needed for the day.

For lunch, she would debone the chicken and fish and lay it out for him to eat.

When they went on business trips, she would do everything — book the tickets, print the out, pack the clothes, fill up the forms, etc.

“Why are you always serving daddy?” I asked her many times. “Why doesn’t he service you instead?”

“It’s okay Bonita,” she answered. “It is my job to serve.”

Later on, I realized the value of her service.

Because she was very good at it, my father was dependent on her for everything.

He doesn’t have a telephone book because my mom would always dial his friend if he wanted to call them up for a chat. Hence, there were no privacy issues for him. His phone was her phone, and she knew whom exactly he was talking to and for what.

He doesn’t need to deal with the details as my mom does this for him. Hence, she’s the one who will handle the business permits, do the payroll, pay the taxes, and make sure that all business operations are in order. Consequently, if he was to leave my mom for another woman, his business would be in shutters since he does not know where anything is.

It’s hard to cheat on a woman who is so nice to you and handles all your affairs. Leaving her would mean a lot of hassle and inconvenience. Of course, before getting it on with a ho, my father would have to think whether the ho would be better than my mom in servicing him, and would toss that idea aside.

3. My mom made sure that she supported my dad with everything he did. She was his biggest cheerleader and enabler.

My mom spoiled my dad rotten.

Since she was always there beside him, he would bounce his ideas off her. She would meet all his friends and provide her input. She would be at his beck and call.

My mother made sure she was irreplaceable in his life by literally being irreplaceable. While she was not super beautiful by any means, she has made my father the center of her life, next to us kids. She never disrespected him or fought him head on. Instead, when he was wrong, she still kept quiet until she was proven right.

How different is my mom from many women, including me!

“How can I support my husband if I know he’s doing the wrong thing?” I asked my mom.

“How can you keep your husband if you always win?” would be the answer.

It is a good lesson to remember.

In Summary

We do not know what happened to Jeff and Mackenzie, and how the heck did something so good dissolve just like that.

However, as Jeff Bezos became increasingly successful, MacKenzie Bezos chose a different life path from her husband and became a prize winning novelist.

She was not privy to the small changes in his life, and was happy building her own career and taking care of their four children.

She noticed that he was taking more out of town trips away from the family, and allowed it. The opportunity was there to cheat since she was not there beside him because she believed him all the time.

Mackenzie Bezos almost stumbled on his mistress month ago when Jeff and his mistress flew out of town in their private jet, only to be consoled after her husband told her that the trip was merely for business. She would have caught on his lies if she chose to accompany Jeff on this trip, instead of letting him go alone.

She allowed him to steal away from her bed. At night, she was okay with him sleeping in a different bed/room from her, allowing him to sleep with his mistress when she’s not there. It would have been more logistically difficult if she was always there with him by his side.

Adultery can happen anytime, anywhere, and to anyone. 

I am not surprised that a man of Jeff Bezos stature would resort to finding a hot mistress on the side to boost up his ego. Time immemorial is full of tragic stories of women who help their husbands become successful, only to find themselves replaced when the next hot young thing comes along to seduce their husbands away.

But I am surprised that MacKenzie Bezos allowed this travesty to happen. The problem could have been avoided if she was only more intuitive, more hands on and more PRESENT.

Then again, she is set to gain USD 65 billion out of her husband’s wrong decision. After 25 years of loyal marriage and service, her husband’s adultery is a great excuse to cash out on a lonely, miserable marriage and still look like the good guy.

More power to MacKenzie Bezos — maybe divorce, while painful — is the right decision for her. Not everyone can come off with that much money in 25 years.

But we are not MacKenzie Bezos, and our husband is not as rich as Jeff. 

Personally, it serves my better interest to remain married for now. My husband is not as rich as Jeff Bezos that I am better off financially if we separate. My work with him is not yet finished, and we can still achieve more together than apart. Our daughter would greatly benefit from us still being together.

So yes, I will pray to God and lock my car. 

I hope you will too.

I Work: Am I a Failure as a Wife and Mother?

It’s very frustrating to be a working wife and mother.

Society still demands you to fulfill your duties as a doting yaya to your child, a neat maid to your household (which includes laba, plantsa and taga-linis ng bahay) and an eager sex partner and a sweet companion to your husband, DESPITE also working at least 8 hours in the daytime to bring home the bacon since husband’s income is not enough to smoothly sustain the family.

After working the entire day, one would wish to have some time to kick back, relax, and do nothing but zone out.

But no. At the end of the day, the husband still wants food on the table (instead of you ordering out), the baby still requires attention, the laundry still needs washing, and the house still needs cleaning.

“Such is a woman’s lot,” my more traditional mom would say. “How can you expect your husband to do woman’s work?”

I saw this meme today which perfectly explains a modern woman’s problem:

This meme perfectly describes me: My husband has changed our baby’s diaper a few thousand times since she was born. He does our family’s laundry since we were married. So apparently, based on this meme, I am a complete and utter failure as his wife and partner. 😦

Great…. just great.

Nobody notices that I have worked all day to ensure the money still comes flowing in. Nobody notices how good I am at work. Nobody notices that the baby is still alive, and my husband has received more comforts in life married to me than not.

Nooooo… the only thing society sees? 

My husband bathing our baby and changing her diaper. My husband doing the laundry, while his wife plops in bed and relaxes. Basically, all society sees is a man, doing woman’s work.

What a tragedy, the worst fate a man should have.

It is a tragedy to be a woman nowadays. A Christian blog writer created a viral post after making a chart on whether women should maintain careers or not. In her chart, “Should Mothers Have Careers,” she makes a strong play that it’s better for women to give up their careers and become full-time home makers for the following reasons:

I am the woman described on the left side of the chart. The Career Woman:

• Who is always away from home the entire day
• Whose childcare is outsourced to others, namely the Lola or the yaya
• Who comes home exhausted, plops in bed and watches Netflix while the home stays in disarray
• Whose dinner is usually microwaved or take out
• Who reads a book before putting a child to bed
• Whose weekends is simply buying basic goods for the week ahead
• Whose intimacy is limited to once a week if any given both she and her husband is tired (hence, the only child problem)

The only thing I did not agree with is the last part — I do NOT believe that my life is falling apart, and I do NOT believe I am a failure as a wife and mother.

It is because of such pessimistic messages that discourages women to be the best people we hope to be. What is the point of studying so hard, striving to get the best jobs, only to give them up once you have a baby or two?

“Yes, I am a proud housewife,” one would say. “Family first. I know my priorities. What is money if I can’t do my best for my kids?”

That’s the problem — We assume that we have to be there for our husband and kids 24/7 in order for us to be happy. As if servicing them is our lifelong noble goal, and we do not deserve to find happiness in our own terms. 

I can’t see that for myself. Not yet, and maybe not ever. Who says that one’s life path should be a full time homemaker and mother in order to be happy?

Why should this be the only path?

Men work all the time, and they’re NOT ostracized for putting their career first.

So why are women judged on a different standards and are seen as failure for not putting their kids and husbands first?

Here’s the clincher, especially in today’s society, what if the woman has better earning power than the men? Does this mean that the man still needs to take the responsibility of being the family’s breadwinners just because society says so? Or, should women take up the mantle and the men stay home with the kids?

I strongly disagree that women should only stay at home. I was not trained that way by my family — My dad has trained me to study hard and earn money — and I do not think I am a failure for never really knowing how to clean the bathroom, do the laundry or iron the clothes.

Why should I do it especially since I can always outsource it to someone else who can do it better than I am?

It’s hard to be a woman. Society deems you a failure if you do not take on the household works. Society thinks you’re a bad wife if your husband takes on what should be your job. But I don’t think that should be the case.

The Bible tells us of The Wife of Noble Character in Proverbs 31:10-31.

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

^10 [a]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I do not read that a good and noble woman should cook, do the laundry and clean the house. Instead, the actual words is that she “provides” food for her family and give portions to the servants. 

As a working woman, I have provided food for my household. I have paid for our unit’s association dues, our family’s electricity bill and most expenses in our household. Like my husband, I provide for us and make life easier for him and our daughter

The Proverbs 31 woman is a good businessman. She buys a field and plants a vineyard. She EARNS for the family. Her trading is profitable and she works day and night. Even during times of cold, she provides wool for her family. Wool is expensive and requires money. The Bible didn’t say she asked money from her husband. Instead, the Bible said that the woman provided.

Because of who she is, how she acts, and what she does, her husband holds his head up eye and is respected in society.  “Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.” Do you think a man will be respected if his wife was a harlot and an embarrassment?

Actually, reading Proverbs 31, I am encouraged and renewed. The Bible does not look down on busy working women. In fact, it is full of praise, which is appreciated.

I pray that I do not lose too much hope and give up my ministry.

My work provides jobs to at least 40 staff members, mostly women, and I feel that this is how I give back to the Lord. I have seen so many women uplift their lives after being provided a stable job that gives them good income. Many of my employees came from broken families. They were beaten and cheated on by their good for nothing husbands, their children left in the care of their elderly parents. My role here is to keep them employed in the hopes of empowering them to make better decisions for themselves and their families.

I believe that my daughter will benefit in seeing that Mommy is working.

I think being a home maker is equally wonderful and noble, but I do wish my daughter to find her fulfillment in pursuing her passions (which is hopefully income generating), than merely being a cost center to her husband when she grows up.

I wish that Society will be more forgiving to women.

Men have started to lose their manliness and have relegated to the sidelines. More and more men stay on the sidelines of unemployment and depend on their families and their working wives to make money for the family. It is my hope that society can be but fair to women and let them also relax after a hard day’s work especially if they now are bringing home the bacon.

I hope that women would be more supportive of each other.

Everybody’s life and desires are different, so it’s best to respect each other’s life decisions. Kudos to you in wanting to be a stay at home mother, but can you please also be supportive to me as I choose a different path from you?

Lastly, I know I am making the right decision for me.

My father has trained me to make money. I am equally contributing to our household. My daughter is still alive and is doing well in school. My husband grumbles I have less time for him, and wants me to be more service-oriented, but finds a way to show appreciation after seeing the alternative.

I am a working wife and mother. And I am good at it. I hope others would find encouragement to know that it’s okay to work and still be a good mother and partner to your kids. 

Happy weekend!

 

 

 

 

Dear Cousin: A letter when everyone hates your GF

November 3, 2018

Dear Cousin,

You were surprised on why your relatives have judged your girlfriend so harshly after seeing her for the first time last week. You probably are asking on how they can be so critical of her without even knowing her, and how can they know better than you, you who have already been dating her for a few months.

I am writing to ask your forgiveness if you have been hurt. I know that by presenting her, you took a risk that your relatives may or may not like her. You still took that chance though, because you felt that she was already the right girl for you. In your mind, if she was good enough for you, then she should be good enough for everyone. Anyway, it was her, not us, who make you the happiest. Isn’t that what really matters?

Congrats cousin — you now join the ranks of many a star-crossed couples who face an opposing challenging world. Like Romeo and Juliet, any hardship will only make your love stronger, and your evil relatives will soon be proven wrong. It’s your life anyway, and as an adult, you can make your own damn decision. To be honest, I don’t even think you cared about whatever anyone thought, so long as she makes you happy. And to be quite frank, I think you’re right. The most important thing was that you like her, and to hell with everyone else.

Before you get even more upset, cool down a bit.

The initial disapproval is just a test. It can be heart breaking, but it doesn’t mean it’s the end. There is still hope that minds will be changed, and it all depends on how you react to such possibly devastating news. You had a right to be angry of course. As I’ve said, it’s not our business to meddle in your love life. But I would rather look at it in a positive way, and use this experience to truly test whether or not she is the right girl for you.

Our relatives was against Husband too when I first introduced them. They thought he was plain rude, a womanizer, and an irresponsible son who have constantly made bad judgments throughout his youth. The fact that he was annulled at a young age didn’t make matters worse. He would say the wrong things all the time, and offend everyone. We couldn’t even finish our pre-engagement counselling with Uncle Eee and Auntie Dee as they couldn’t believe that he was a true Christian. He had anger and alcohol issues. My brother felt he was not good enough as a man for me. My brother even slammed his hand on the wall after I told him to back off. Auntie Bee implored my mom to meet Husband’s first wife, and it was through this arrangement that I met See. It was initially awkward, but I am glad I met her. It put a lot of their concerns to rest.

Relatives do this because they love us. Sure, they worry because whoever we pick will taint our bloodline, but I also do believe from the bottom of my heart that they criticize so that we will as well. When we’re in love, we still wear rose-colored glasses and throw our cautions into the wind. That’s how infatuation work, and it can be a dangerous thing. It blinds us to our partner’s weaknesses and make bad character traits look like cute quirks. We forgive our partner’s dangerous habits easily and say they don’t matter, and that they will change. That it’s okay if our partner argues with us in a destructive and disrespectful manner, or if our partner’s family is crazy and dysfunctional. Anyway, we are marrying HER and not them, so these things doesn’t matter.

Oh please, let’s not delude ourselves.

If you are irritated with her, these things will irritate you even more through time. If she gets angry easily, she will be hot tempered once you get married. If she keeps on complaining about her life, she will also complain about you, and that’s unhealthy. These things will never go away because they already make who she is. If you don’t like her family, remember that they brought her up and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. If they’re dysfunctional, she’s cuckoo too but you just can’t see it.

That’s why we date.

The main goal of dating is to find out whether the (wo)man we love is truly the right person for us. Through the time we spend together, we see if they can make us truly happy beyond the dating stage, and whether they will make good partners, spouses, and mothers/fathers.

You say that she is already everything you need and want in a woman. Okay, prove it. Show us that your love is strong and unwavering. That she makes you a better person, and that life is much better with her around. That she will be very loving and caring towards you, and will not fight with you or ask you to isolate yourselves from your family and friends. The right woman should bring you closer to your family despite initial misunderstandings, not turn you against each other.

It takes humility and maturity to accept harsh criticism, ponder upon them, and to see whether it is something to be concerned about. It takes wisdom to respect the views of elders, even when we don’t agree with it. It is not bad to ask, “Why don’t they like her?” instead of attacking defensively and saying, “Who do you think you are to not like her? You don’t even know her.”

Honestly speaking cousin, it’s your life. And it’s not really anyone’s business to comment on who you choose to come into your life. As you’re now working and have your own income, your relatives have nothing that you want and they can all go to hell for all you care.

But before you make angry snap judgment, take a moment to really ask yourself why your girlfriend isn’t liked? What was it about her that everyone saw that they felt made her not a good match for you? Why did they think that by choosing her, you would be less happier in the future than if you choose someone else? Was it something she wore, something she said, or the way they acted that revealed to them something they felt would not be good for you in the long run? The assumption is that your relatives loved and cared for you. So what was it that they were warning you against? And how can they have seen this in just one meeting?

In Chinese, there’s a word, “看人” or “Kwa lang.” This is a skill that’s honed by meeting different types of people and knowing their stories. My dad was allegedly very good at this. Through just one meeting, he can already make a snap judgment about a person, and it was almost always correct. This uncanny ability was able to enrich him as he can decide very quickly whether this was a person who you could do business with, or who will fool you. I was afraid of this skill, as he oftentimes had an opposing view about people I was friends with. And it bothered me that in time, he was oftentimes proven right in his judgment.

What was it that everyone saw in her that made them feel that she was not the right person for me? Why would they say that while it’s my choice, I might end up unhappier if I ended up with her? What did they see that I cannot?

I think these are good questions to ask. I had asked the same questions when I dated Husband. To be fair, our relatives were correct in their assessment: There were many reasons on why Husband was not the right person for me, and that I deserved better. To be fair, he got rid of the drinking (alcohol) before we got married, so that was one burden off my back. He’s also changed so much since we married. He’s also proven that he’s a terrific father after Baby came along.

But I think that it was good we went through this exercise before we got married. Left by ourselves and without elderly counsel, I don’t think our marriage would have been stronger. Even Husband had to change before he married me, and it was because I demanded that he should.

Though it was an uncomfortable time for everyone, I am still glad that our relatives criticized him then, he still kept an open mind with that. He didn’t blacklist or hate them, nor wasn’t he angry at them for saying such mean things about him. Instead, he understood and tried to prove everyone wrong. What should have destroyed us just made us stronger. What he is right now is due to the trials we went through as a couple. If he wasn’t a good partner then, he was a good partner now because of our relatives’ feedback. And I am very thankful and blessed as a result.

At the end of the day, it’s your life.

You get to decide who you allow inside your life, and who to remove from your life. And before you make any snap decisions on removing your relatives from yours just because they don’t like the girl you’re dating, ask yourself if it’s just your relatives who don’t like her. Does your parents like her, like really like her? Does your friends who have known you for decades like her, as in really like her? Is she like your mother, Auntie Edwina? Will she make a good wife, mother and life partner?

Now, ask yourself WHY.

Reflection is a gift that keeps on giving.

Date her if you must.

Marry her too if you think she’s the best girl for you now and forever.

But choosing the (wo)man you will marry is the most important decision any person has to make in their lives. Therein that one decision lays your happiness, your luck, your future, and your children’s future.

If you choose her, still invite us to the engagement and wedding. Blood runs thicker than water, and it’s laughable and silly if you discard your relatives just because of a woman.

But if you can, pray. Think very carefully. Ask yourself why. Ask other people why. Therein lies the answer. Then decide accordingly.

Good luck, cousin. This is your first time to be in love, and hopefully, it won’t be your last. May you make the right decision for yourself, and may she make you very happy if you do choose her. We wish you only the best in whatever life has to offer.

Big hugs,

Cousin Bonita