What’s the best relationship advice you can give someone?

Reposted from my answer in Quora:

This advice has saved me from years of heartache: Always Mirror, Never Chase.

When I meet a guy, I always mirror his interest.

I wait for him to make the first move.

If he texts me, I don’t play hard to get. If I get a message, I give a decent reply.

There’s no playing games.

No waiting for hours before texting him back to show him I’m not desperate. No hee or haw when he asks me out on a date. If I am free, I say yes. Otherwise, it’s a no with a legit reason for saying no.

When guys know you’re honest, they appreciate that.

I don’t chase after a guy.

If he ghosts me after a date, it’s fine. I just shrug it off. When he texts me weeks later, I still reply. Until the time he ghosts me again, and then I stop replying.

This allows me to filter guys who are genuinely interested in me.

Guys who are interested keep on calling. Since they know I don’t play any games, they try to “get” me and block off my free time whenever they can. Apparently, my way of flirting is very refreshing so they keep coming back for more.

After a breakup, I don’t chase.

I used to chase and it was embarrassing. Not anymore.

After the breakup convo, I cry. In private. I go out with friends and keep my social media status calm and normal. Nobody knows how broken I am inside.

With the last guy I dated, I cried for four months.

He didn’t know. Nobody knew.

I was the sane girlfriend who didn’t go crazy after a breakup. Guys appreciate that. And I got to keep my dignity especially after I found out he had a third party on the side.

Keep it classy!

The two advice allowed me to date graciously without too much fuss. I always kept my eyes open and never really refused any date. I never assumed and just focused on having a good time.

Happily married now so guess it worked! 

Regardless, I look at every single guy I dated as a happy experience, and I am so glad I can look back at my dating history and be proud that I never really did anything that I now regret.

Business Chronicles: 15 Steps on How to Register your Company at the Philippines Securities & Exchange Commission Online

A lot of people are asking whether it is easy for a person to register a company at the Securities and Exchange Commission.

You may be happy to know that the SEC has modernized, and registration of a company can be done usually online. Here are the 15 steps on how to do it from your home, with minimum fuss:

1. To register your business online,  log on to the Securities & Exchange Commission Website: http://www.sec.gov.ph/

2. Move your cursor to Online Services. Click on SEC Company Registration System.

3. Create an Account. Here’s a short clip on how to create an account:

4. After creating account, please log in using your account.

5. Check the name of company if it is available. If it is available, you can continue with the registration process. If unavailable, choose another name.

6. Make sure all fill up is 100% complete. Here’s how to add the company details:

7. When it is 100% complete, you can now print the downloadable forms of Cover Sheet, Articles of Incorporation, By Laws & Treasurer’s Certificate.

8. After printing it out in A4 document size, have the documents notarized. Notarization cost Php 50 to Php 200 per document.

9. Upload the notarized documents into the SEC Account.

10. Wait for the SEC to notify and email you when it is ready for payment. This usually takes around 2 weeks. For our company, it cost less than Php 10,000.00.

11. If you received the order of payment thru email, you can now pay it to SEC directly. Bring a 4 copies of each of the documents.

Office of SEC HEAD OFFICE
Secretariat Building, PICC Complex, Roxas Boulevard, Pasay City, 1307
Trunk Line No.: 818-0921

12. After payment at the cashier, deliver the hard copy of documents to the receiving area.

13. After the SEC received your documents, upload the Official Receipt to your SEC account.

14. Follow up and call them after 2 weeks.

15. If the SEC Certificate is ready for pick up, you can pick it up and the other received documents from the SEC office using your Official Receipt in the releasing area.

Here’s the details of the Security & Exchange Commission:

http://www.sec.gov.ph/contact-us/

As a working mom, do you get angry or annoyed when the non-working moms say “I left my career to raise my child”? How do you manage this situation?

My response: “Good luck! I hope it turns out to be a good decision for you.”

I honestly think not working is a luxury.

It means that someone else, not you, is bringing food on the table.

As children increasingly become expensive given education, food, upbringing, etc., there really has to be someone who brings home the bacon.

Usually it’s the husband.

However, I personally do not like to be completely and financially dependent on a man.

Yes I know my husband is wonderful, but seriously, it’s my life we are talking about. Our family and mine.

Here are the problems in depending on someone else for financial support?

What if my husband loses his job?

So he has to be stuck in his job because he needs food on the table. He will resent me for forcing him to work.

What if my husband cheats on you?

How can a woman live if she has kids and no means of financial support?

What if your husband dies unexpectedly?

So now you have to force yourself to leave your kids and go back to work? How high will be your salary after being out of the workforce for 20 years?

Life surprises us. I don’t want to be caught off guard. I want to be ready.

A friend was a stay-at-home wife.

She met her husband in university.

After they graduated, they both worked.

When it was obvious the man’s career was doing better than hers, he encouraged her to quit her job and be a stay-at-home wife.

She supported him through his career, and moved their family from the Philippines to Taiwan to New York.

She is in her early 50s now, and she discovered that her husband who became the head of a business division, was cheating on her with someone he worked with.

Angry and insulted, she confronted him.

He just laughed at her and challenged her to leave.

All the money was made by him, managed by him and dispensed by him.

Literally she had no money, no job, weak working experience.

She didn’t leave.

She couldn’t leave.

She doesn’t know what to do. She had nowhere to go, nobody to help and no money for legal action.

Thats what happens when you’re financially dependent on someone else all your life.

I personally don’t like to hand over my life to someone else.

I think of my future and my my child’s future.

Given that I am equally capable and very much hire-able, I want to financially secure myself and my kids.

Because I don’t want to be placed in a position where I am with a guy just because he brings home the bacon.

I want to have the freedom to leave if he gets abusive.

I want to have the money for better childcare.

I want my children to go to better schools.

I want my children to see how hard I work for us.

I want my children to know it’s possible to work and still love them at the same time.

So good luck.

And from the bottom of my heart, I really hope giving up your career is truly the right decision for you and your family.

10 Factors I Look Into When Weeding Out Job Applicants in the Philippines

One of our office staff resigned two weeks ago.

She’s 22 years old and have been with us for almost two years.

Reason for resigning: She wants to try out her luck working overseas in Abu Dhabi as a cashier, despite the fact that she’s earning a decent wage with us in the Philippines. If she moves to Abu Dhabi, her salary is a mere 12% higher than her salary here.

But hey, who can stop someone from pursuing her dreams?

So I am using Jobstreet.com.ph and Indeed.com to find the right applicant for me.

The statistics was pretty bad. As of today, I have 265 applicants for the position of Office Staff:

Out of the 265 applicants, I have automatically rejected 73 applicants (27.5% of the pool). As to why I have rejected them, here were the most common reasons:

1. They lived far away from our office.

If they lived in the province or outside Metro Manila, they are an automatic reject. Traffic is really bad in the Philippines and commute time can last for hours.

A realistic commute is a minimum of 30 minutes per way, to a maximum of 1.5 hours.

Anything beyond that is ridiculous and can only last for short-term employment. An employee who lives 3 hours away from your office may initially accept if he/she is desperate, but over time, will still quit as the commute time is too long, or the money required to get to and from work is too high.

To save myself from the trouble of re-hiring again, I will not invite the person who lives far far away from the office to an interview. Waste of time.

2. They are asking for a salary way beyond the budget.

An office staff is a junior, entry level position. If the person asks for a managerial salary — which commonly happens especially if that person worked as an OFW before — then I don’t waste theirs and my time.

No, the fact that you used to earn Php 35,000 per month before does NOT mean I should give you that amount of money. It also doesn’t mean that just because you’re your family’s primary breadwinner or the fact that you have 5 hungry kids does not mean that I should give you the salary you asked for.

This is also a problem with 20-year old fresh graduates with zero experience who are asking me for salaries higher than the minimum rate (e.g., Php 16,000 to Php 20,000). No, I don’t care how smart you think you are.

We will pay a fair salary based on actual contribution and tenure. If you ask for way more because of the budget just because you can or just because you’re hoping we will fall for it, I don’t invite you to the interview.

3. They don’t have any relevant experience to the job we are looking for.

I am hiring an Office Staff. This means, this person must know how to do filing, encoding, and use the computer.

If the person only has experience limited to being a cook, a waitress, or a massage therapist, he/she most likely will not have the detailed orientedness and organizational skills to do the clerical and administrative job well.

4. People who keep on changing their jobs until they’re well over 35.

This is a problem — If you take a look, this applicant have changed jobs multiple times over the years. Do note that this resume is only until January 2011. That means, she has changed even more jobs since then.

This is a red flag for me: a) She has changed into different unrelated jobs during the years, and b) Some jobs, she’s only stayed on for less than 5 months. This means that the applicant is restless and always on the lookout for something better (And if that’s the case, there’s no satisfying him/her), and two, he/she keeps on trying to find the perfect job for her, but in the end, doesn’t really figure out what.

One day, the applicants wakes up and realizes he/she is 38 with a series of irregular jobs through the years. Sometimes, it’s the employer’s fault.

But many times, it is the Employee’s fault.

When an employee keeps on jumping from one jump to the other without staying very long, it usually signals a personality, attitude or competence problem for the Applicant. Best to avoid this problem and not invite the staff to the interview.

5. When the person badmouths his/her previous employer.

This actually happened. Needless to say, he wasn’t invited to the interview.

Reason for not inviting: You may have some beef with your previous employer but a resume is not a place to air out your dirty laundry. Complaining about a previous employer just makes you insecure, maarte and a person who complains a lot.

I don’t like people who complain. It’s stress I don’t need. If they don’t like it, they should just leave the job. Please don’t offload your frustrations to me, especially if I don’t know you yet.

After I initially weed out those under-qualified, over-expensive but not worth it applicants, I invite those that suit the position. However, I continue weed out the people. How?

6. When a person asks silly questions before even showing up to the interview.

Sorry, but I am automatically annoyed when an applicant asks:

• Is this one-day processing? Why I am Annoyed: This is more of an irrational feeling for this question. It’s actually a legit question. But I hate this question because I hire on the spot. So if I like you, I hire you the same day. If you have requirements, I will start you the very next day.
• Do you accept even if I am an undergrad or graduate of two-year course? Why I am Annoyed: Because I already read your resume and invited you to the interview. I would not have invited you if your educational qualifications or age does not fit my requirements. Asking this questions simply shows insecurity. 
• What are the office hours? Why is your Saturday not half day? Why I am Annoyed: I have actually indicated office hours and days on the job ad. This questions shows that you do not read. 
• I’m sorry, what’s the job description again? Why I am Annoyed: They applied to my company. I informed them of the job description when I invited them to the interview. This shows they do not read. 
• Is it far away from my house? Why I am Annoyed: I wouldn’t know. Nor do I care if it is far away from your use. Use Google Maps.
• How do I get there from _____________? Why I am Annoyed: The complete office address is there in my interview invite. Please read. Then use Google Maps to look for it. 
• I am sick / There’s a family emergency / It’s raining. Can we reschedule the interview? Why I am Annoyed: People usually ask this question on the day of the interview. Insert (Random reason) here. I get annoyed because I have blocked my time for the interview, and they cancel on the last minute. Usually, such reasons are lies. They are just not serious to come to the interview.

7. When they don’t even answer my interview invite.

If they have no decency to respond to my text, regardless on whether you have load or not, you’re crossed off my list. I don’t like people who can’t even bother to respond to my text.

8. When they actually confirm to my interview invite but do NOT show up or inform me beforehand.

This actually happened. And no, not feeling well and not having load to inform me are NOT valid excuses.

9. When they have bad body hygiene. 

This rarely happens. But it happens once in a blue moon.

Our positions require close proximity and hours of working together. If the person has body odor, he/she is not hired. Body odor is tough to remove, and usually, the applicant is unaware he/she has this problem.

To prevent this problem, we just don’t hire him/her, lest it causes future conflict.

10. And lastly, when the person has an inferiority complex.

I don’t care if you have a two year vocational degree, unless you think it’s a problem. It’s not a problem. But it’s a problem if you feel less intelligent because you don’t have a 4-year college degree.

I don’t care if you’re old and over the “age limit” so long as you can do the job. But if you blame your previous employers for discriminating you because of the age limit, then it becomes a problem.

I don’t care if you feel you’re short, dark and ugly. But if you keep on reminding me that the reason why you haven’t kept a steady job was because you’re short, dark, and ugly, maybe the problem is actually you. Not your appearance. Companies don’t like employees who are negative all the time.

I don’t care if you were fooled or scammed by your agency or previous employer. But I don’t like it when you’re overly careful and think that every employer is out to get and scam you. If you keep on citing all the bad things that happened to you before, then I won’t hire you lest you bring your complaining nature inside my company.

It’s a personal thing. I like employees to enter my company without too much baggage.

There are many other reasons that make me weed out job applicants. But this is just a few of the things I consider.

Just for your information though, I did hire someone today.

Out of the 265 Applicants who applied for this position:

• I rejected 73 applicants (27.5%)
• I did invite 65 for an interview (24.5%)
• 33 Applicants actually confirmed with me via text or email (50.7% of those I invited)
• 11 tried to weed their way out of the interview citing family issue, emergency or whatever reason
• 13 out of the 33 applicants actually showed up (39% of those who confirmed; 20% of those I invited)
•  9 simply didn’t show up, or had the decency to inform me.

This is just for one position my dears. The statistics is worse for us on average. For every 31 applicants who actually come in for an interview, only 1 last for more than a month after being invited for orientation.

But that’s another story. Happy weekend everyone!

6 Reasons Why You’re Still Single at 40

Yesterday, I asked the question, “Why would a beautiful 40-year old woman still be SINGLE?”

I’ve wondered this question and asked several friends what they thought. We mulled over whether it was the guys’ fault or the girl’s fault that she’s still single. At the end of the day, the consensus is clear: If she is beautiful and sexy, and there’s nothing wrong with her physically, then it’s the woman’s fault that she’s single.

Not the men’s.

WOAH!

Mindblowing!

Here are 6 Reasons why it’s the woman’s fault if she is still single at 40, and she wants to get married before then:

1) Some superficiality was in play.

Some nice guy actually came a calling.

But she rejected him because he is short, boxy and dark-skinned.

The guy was ready for marriage and for a serious relationship. He was already in his 40s, and was keen to start a family. There’s no baggage except for the fact that he was single since he just came off from two long-term, long-distance relationships that didn’t work out.

It doesn’t matter: She still rejected him.

Because he’s not her type.

Sometimes, we can’t help ourselves. If he’s not cute, we’d rather be single.

That’s why, she is still single.

2) Because they think dating apps are for losers.

I met a 30-plus year old woman who wanted to find love, and asked her why she didn’t try dating apps like OkCupid, Tinder, eHarmony and the likes.

“Oh, dating apps are for losers,” she huffed. “I’m not that desperate yet.”

My husband and I met via a dating app.

So apparently, we are losers.

That’s why she’s still single. Close-minded people who shut off avenues even before they try it end up with limited options and no boyfriends. They’re stuck in the pool they already wallowing in over the last two decades. Those who entered the pool later on would rather choose younger, prettier and equally willing to commit women.

My friend went into 10 blind dates per year, for two years, before marrying the man she married. That’s like 20+ blind dates from hell, and a whole lot of stories, before finding her happily ever after.

 

If you don’t try it out with a positive attitude, don’t cry if you’re still single. There is NOTHING wrong with dating apps, and if you’re willing to scratch out this option because of a few bad apples, then you’re losing out.

3) Because they are girlfriend material… NOT wife material.

The Internet are awash with posts such as:

Top 30 Signs That Your Girlfriend Is ‘Wife Material’

Apparently, a girlfriend is still different from a wife. They both start out the same way, but end out differently. While a wife can be girlfriend material, a woman who is just girlfriend material finds it hard to be a wife.

Reason being is, for some reason or the other, the guy shies away from proposing! He’s fine with just dating exclusively, and even moving in together, but when it comes to legalizing it, the guy balks and asks why things won’t remain the same.

I honestly think it’s because the woman in question is not wife material. Sure, she’s fun, adventurous and maybe the sex is good, but hey, she’s not really something you want to spend forever after with.

So the question is, what’s the difference between a girlfriend-slash-mistress material, and not a wife? Both are women and someone you’re intimate with. However, why is it that some women get married while others are stuck in dating limbo?

A wife material is someone who guys see as the following:

Not enough?

I asked a guy friend what’s the difference, to which he answered:

With a wife, you think of forever. On whether she is a good fit to your life. On whether she can be a great partner to you in an out of the home.

You wonder if your mom loves her or not, and how she will fit in your family dynamics. If your mom hates her, then she’s purely just fun and girlfriend material. It will be awkward if you married someone whom your family hates.

You also want someone who has her head straight and who isn’t promiscuous or a flirt. Someone who dresses conservatively and doesn’t look like she’s going to the beach or the bar on a daily basis. Sure, it’s nice to marry someone who’s sexy, but you don’t want someone who looks malandi. That’s just someone you’d love to f*ck, not someone you’d like to start a family with.

Lastly, you also think whether or not she’ll be a great mother to your future kids. You want someone who is smart, emotionally stable and can balance you… not a drama queen who’s irresponsible, stresses you out, and incredibly stupid. They say the kids get their brains from their mother, and you don’t want stupid children.

It’s easy to be like a mistress: You’re fun and sexy and probably great in bed. But it’s not as easy to be a wife — there are so many stakeholders that are in play: Both sides of the family, the community, and the kids.

Usually, unless the guy is really head over heels in love with you, he’d rather wait until all ducks are in a row before getting married.

4) Because you’re already over the hill, and they do want kids.

We had our chance when we were in our 20s, dating men one after another, trying to see who is a better fit for us. This continued on until we were in our 30s, when the pickings started to get thinner and thinner.

At 20s, all the guys from their 20s to 40s want to date you. When you’re in your late 30s, guys in their 20s see you as a MILF or cougar. Guys in their 30s want someone who is 20s and more fertile. Guys in their 40s come with baggage (and kids from their first marriage), or some psychological disorder.

What’s more, most men want a progeny. They want someone to carry their line. Many want a kid and a spare.

Case in point, when I first met my future father-in-law, he already criticized me for being old. I was just in my early 30s. At 32 years old in his humble opinion, I was no spring chicken, and was less likely to reproduce an heir.

He was wrong.

I did have a daughter. And yet, it’s not the 4 or 5 kids he envisioned to carry the line. But he is not unusual: Most guys in Asia do want kids. And they are more likely to have children if the woman is younger.

5) Because they are full of negativity.

I know women who complain about the dating pool, “There are so many losers in (Insert place here)! There are no good single guys out here! Only the asshole ones and those who are gay!” 

Another woman who has a successful career at Goldman Sachs moan about the lack of good guys working there. After I congratulated her about working in one of the best investment banks in the world, she quickly retorted, “What do you mean? Here at Goldman Sachs, there’s NO GOLD, NO MAN, AND NO SEX!”

Sometimes, it’s the woman who is the problem. If guys keep on breaking up with you, then you’re not the problem.

Not the men.

6) Because they do not face the reality: That men are a limited resource and sometimes, you just have to make a choice.

My mom told me a story of the building with many floors. Each floor has selections of men to choose from. If you choose someone from that floor, you can no longer go up another floor. You would have to marry that person and stay with that person ever after. However, if you go up one floor, you can no longer go down the previous floor.

The woman went to the first floor and looked at the selection. These were the regular guys they met in school. They were nice, dorky and boring. They were good selections, but she still went up a floor because she wanted to see what the other floor had to offer.

The second floor were those she met in her first job. Everyone was inexperienced, excited and fun. They had limited money but had a lot of time socializing with each other. There were a lot of people on this floor. But since many of them were still wide-eyed and poor, she still went up another floor.

The third floor have less people than the second, but still had enough. These were people who now have 5 years of work experience under their belt. Some were now married to their college sweethearts but were looking for an affair, while others were single but are still in debt having taken their first mortgage on a home. The people on this floor were not yet rich and were still struggling financially, so the woman still went up one more floor.

The woman couldn’t find anyone from floors four to seven. The guys were flawed in their own way. They weren’t good, rich, or cute enough. Those who were cute were assholes, and those who were good were not cute.

So she continued to go up a floor, thinking that maybe, she will find someone better, because everytime she goes up a floor, she usually finds a guy who is.

As she went up the eighth floor, she was surprised. There was nobody on the eighth floor. The room was empty.

And so she cried.

DO NOT BE THIS WOMAN!

In Summary

We often blame the world for our being single. And yet, while we blame others, we wonder how many other women who are less prettier, less sexier and dumber than us keep on getting married before us?

“There is nothing special about her,” we would huff. “Why did she get married earlier than me?”

“Maybe it’s because she settled, or have lower standards?”

“Maybe the guy is okay with someone dumber, and just feels pressure to get married?”

“Maybe because they’ve been dating so long, and heck, it’s time.”

The questions mask the real issue here — Why them and not me?

And I think there lies the problem: We are so quick to blame others but never see our hand on our own mistakes. When we see others who have better luck than we do, we fail to see that it’s actually not luck as to why they are in situations they are in now.

Unless we look deeply in the mirror in front of us, we cannot solve the problems that face us.

It is us who is the problem.

Not the mirror. Not Snow White. Not the kingdom.

And unless we face this reality, we will forever be single, and will watch the world pass us by. And while there is nothing wrong with being single, I hope that it is because of choice that we are. If so, wear singlehood with pride.

But if you are single at 40, and want to get married, then you have to wake up and smell the roses.

Open your eyes.

Stop being a b*tch.

Make an effort.

Start trying out dating apps.

Go out on blind dates.

Promote the fact that you are single and looking.

Give that nice guy a chance.

Stop complaining and start doing.

Be a positive ball of energy.

And for goodness sakes, CHOOSE SOMEONE.

How about you? Do you agree or not? Comments and thoughts appreciated.

 

 

How My Friend Got Away with Infidelity

My married friend learned that her husband was flirting with other women behind her back. Given that he needs to be based in the Southern area and their child studies here in Manila, they have spent many days apart per month despite flying back and forth to see each other.

The last time my friend caught her husband flirting, it was on Facebook with him liking and messaging sexy car show models.

Note: Image taken from the Internet to illustrate just how tempting car show models can be. Doesn’t mean friend’s husband is flirting with any of them.

It went unnoticed to the point that the husband was already having friendly chats with the model. Then he was caught.

After some groveling and a hesitant promise not to message these models on Facebook again, he’s back at it, this time befriending a mall cashier.

The worst part is that the friendship so to speak has been going on over the last 1.5 years. My friend’s husband has met this cashier at least once as admitted in their text conversation, and goodness knows what happened next, especially since they have continued their flirtatious relationship afterwards.

“I don’t think anything happened when they met,” my friend cried as she shared with me this story. “Right?”

I am not naive.

I will not delude myself into thinking that after months of build-up, nothing happened. Especially since the guy has gone on to invite the woman into his family apartment and stay in his room. But heck, why pour salt into the festering wound?

My friend was beyond herself, and her normal prim and proper demeanor was broken when she started to cry.

“I don’t know why he’s doing this again after promising that he will stop,” she moaned. “It is unbecoming for him to go out and date the cashier especially since he and his family are trying their best to keep a good reputation in the community. Why throw it away because of a piece of trash?”

To be honest, I don’t think the man was thinking of his family or his reputation when he eyed the cashier.

Put it this way, guys are very simple: He came, he saw and then he conquered. To hell with everything else. So his reaction was a very primal, carnal thing.

So the wife had her suspicions. Given the wife’s intuition is very strong, she woke up one day from a bad dream and looked over her husband’s phone.

Her blood ran cold —- She saw a message pop up just as soon as she looked. It was from another woman, and the text was a text that only a girlfriend would send. Something similar to this…

Dismayed, my friend accessed her husband’s emails, Facebook chats and phone messages. To her dismay, she saw that they’ve been messaging for over a year!

She carefully screenshot all the incriminating messages to confront him later on. Then she took a Valium and cried herself to sleep.

One week later, their love was strengthened and they are back together again.

Now a lot of you would ask wWahy. Given that the husband was already caught cheating, how the hell did he get away with it? Here is what he did:

1. Upon finding out that he was caught —- the maid told him how distraught the missus was — the husband kept calm, deleted all the incriminating messages, and waited for the wife to confront him.

There’s no point to keep any messages as further evidence. Delete every message you think your wife will frown upon.

2. When your wife confronts you, first deny everything. Do this so that she will show you what type of evidence she has on hand.

Wait for your wife to confront you. She will, you know? And she will ask you all the questions you don’t want to answer but should.

She needs an answer so give her some, but not all.

Answer questions to the goal of finding out what evidences she knows about, and which instances she does not know about. That way, you will know what exactly are the charges against you.

3. When you find out which evidences she has on hand, only begrudgingly confirm those she has evidence of. DENY EVERYTHING ELSE.

“Yes, we have been talking on the phone. Yes, I know it was wrong and I am very very sorry.”

“Yes, even when we met, swearing on the life of our child, NOTHING HAPPENED. We didn’t sleep together. All we did was meet, and that was it.”

“No, I didn’t give her any gifts. I actually was just joking with her, but to be honest, no gifts were exchanged.”

4. Admit you have a sex/porn addiction and admit that you need her to help you overcome it.

Every woman wants to “save” a man. Let your wife “save” you from your sins. Even offer to go to church to show sincerity to change.

5. Promise her that while you made a mistake, you realize just how important she and you family are to you, and that while you screwed up now, you will not do it again.

6. Check out if there’s any crack in her armor. When she starts to laugh or let you touch her, then you’re almost scott free.

When after confronting her, she allows you to touch and make love to her, all is forgiven. You have now escaped with nary a scratch.

7. Do not make the same idiotic mistake of getting caught. Either sincerely change to be a better man, or if you cannot, be better in hiding your affairs next time.

Love makes us idiots.

My friend did not want to admit that her husband was a cheater. As I’ve said, this is not the first time he’s cheated.

However, for the sake of the family, everything is swept under the rug. And all is forgiven.

It only took a few hours in an afternoon for the husband to make amends.

Now, do you think he’s really changed and stop cheating, or did he just try to save his sorry ass from his angry wife?

I really hope that it’s the former. Unfortunately, I think it is the latter.

What do you think?

 

 

 

Why we still don’t have our second kid?

Let me approach the elephant in the room — Bakit walang kasunod ang anak ko? 

In English, it means, “How come we have yet to have our second child?”

Our daughter is already 2 years old. We just recently celebrated her second birthday. How come I am not pregnant with the next one?

Here are the real and practical reasons:

1. We have a lot less sexy time since our daughter was born.

My daughter and I co-sleep since she was born. She is also exclusively breastfed. My daughter follows our schedule and sleeps late.

That’s why, we have less sexy time than when before daughter was born.

Before she was born, we could still schedule our time together. Now, we cannot anymore. We have to wait till she is asleep, and she sleeps very late.

That’s why, there’s no baby #2.

2. We have gotten older, a lot busier with work, and our body is not as good as it used to.

Blame husband on being lower energy. We work hard during the day and apart from daughter sleeping late, he is more tired during the night.

“My body is not like what it’s used to,” he admitted. “Before, I could party the entire evening and still be awake the next day. Now, that’s no longer the case.”

There are times when I want to do it too, but I’m just so sleepy that I would doze off before our show is finished. So, we would just think, “There’s always another day, another time…”

That’s why, there’s no baby #2.

3. My baby might hurt my other baby.

My baby is breastfed and actively moves around. Just last night, she stepped on my tummy because she keeps on frolicking around the bed.

It hurts.

Wah, imagine what will happen if I was pregnant with another child? I would suffer a miscarriage if that happened

4. We are already happy with our child. The pressure of having a second child is a lot less than not having a child yet. 

Our baby brings so much joy that sometimes, it’s easier to forget that we need to make another. There is always the fear that maybe, the second child may not be as good as the first.

We do not want to not favor the second child just because she is a lesser performer than the first. No matter what you say, a parent will always favor one child over the other.

My husband is adamant, “Pea is my favorite,” he said. “Nobody is better than her.”

I personally have to favor our only child. So I do not honestly know how to deal with the second. It has always been my prayer that we will be blessed with a wonderful second child. But we also know that it depends on luck, and God’s blessing and wisdom. Sometimes, it’s scary to risk because you don’t really know what you’re going to get.

5. The real reason: God has yet to bless us with another.

Despite the lower frequency of sexy time, we are not using protection and we do still hope that I can get pregnant again. Anyway, I am nearing my 40s, and it’s better to have a second child sooner than later, IF we are still having one.

Alas, we have yet to be blessed with another one.

I was so disappointed the last time I had my period.

Oh so disappointed.

I didn’t think I would be THAT disappointed but I was.

So it’s not that we aren’t hoping. We would welcome another addition to the family, but there is yet another one. I am just not pregnant yet.

And I don’t know when I will get pregnant again despite our best hopes.

I know that husband and I should do more to ensure my next pregnancy but we are too tired and busy to make one. We are lucky when we find time to do so, and can only hope that I can conceive despite the lower frequency.

Anyway, these things are best left to God.

And that’s why we still do not have Baby# 2.