What to do if you found your yaya on Facebook

Congrats, you found your first yaya on Facebook!

Not only do you save money from paying hefty agency fees, you most likely found the yaya of your dreams who will be loyal to your family, take good care of your child, and is literally a Godsend.

But wait, you’re afraid to take the jump.

You’re worried that there’s no employer referrals for you to base your trust on. You’re worried she might endanger your baby. You’re worried that she’ll wear your clothes and post them on Facebook. And you’re worried that she’ll steal from your family.

All of these are very valid concerns.

There are so many bad yayas stories out there that there’s a closed Facebook group called Bad Maids PH for all the bad yayas stories happening in the Philippines.

I have found yayas on Facebook. 

When my old yaya suddenly left last December 2018, I scoured online for her replacement. The first yaya Arlene stayed for 6 days. Here’s my post on how elated I was when I first got her.

I continued my search after she told me after 6 days of work that her husband had an emergency and she had to cater to his needs for 24 hours before returning to work. Despite initially agreeing that her first day off would be after a month of service, she asked me for an immediate day off before the week was done.

I asked her to pack her belongings, paid her for 6 days of work and asked her to sign a quitclaim. Attached is my quitclaim here.

The second yaya I found within 2 days.

Sharon was happy and optimistic, but couldn’t stand the hours. She said she had a headache and needed to cater to her daughter’s pageant. I think it was more of family reasons that she left. She called it quits in 11 days time.

The third yaya I found after Sharon told me that she wanted to leave, but would respect the 30 day notice period, which we had under contract. I once again looked online, and found Zeny on Facebook.

Here are my Top 10 Tips in Finding a Yaya Online.

Yaya Zeny is still with us and our daughter is happy with her. Her daughter took care of the pamasahe from Mindoro to Manila, and so far, despite being older, she’s a pretty decent yaya whom we entrust to take our child to school and back, feed her, and make sure she doesn’t die.

My instructions to a prospect yaya is very simple, “Huwag gutumin. Huwag walain. And huwag patayin.”

After three yayas found on Facebook, all I can tell you is,

1. Have them sign an employment contract as soon as they start.

Make sure that you discuss with them all the details of their employment and rules of your household BEFORE they start working for you.

Attached is the Contract for New Yayas for your reference: New Maid Contract – Generic.

Personally, my rules are very clear as follows:

• No cash advance, bale or padala pamasahe. Crying about a family tragedy won’t work in me giving them pautang. If there’s a family tragedy, we will help out of the goodness of our heart,  but not because they asked for it.
• No cellphones while on duty.
• No emergency day offs. Sundays as preferred rest days. They have to inform me a few days before when they will day off so we can arrange our schedules accordingly.
• Doing the laundry via washing machine are part of their job descriptions. There’s just three of us in the family and no ironing is needed. But I don’t like yayas who tell me that they should only be responsible in childcare and that’s it.

2. Observe them closely on the first few days. 

I always keep an eye on the new yaya when they first start. I look at their working attitude, eating preferences, etc. and determine if I like them or not.

We like going to the malls and the yaya chooses to chase after my daughter when this happens. I do NOT stupidly let the yaya take care of my child alone when she’s new.

I would accompany them, keep an eye on the yaya, and see if there’s any red flags I should watch out for.

I look at yaya’s body language and attitude to see whether she likes her job and my child. Some yayas only accept this job due to the high pay but care nothing of my child.

The best yaya is someone who will eventually hug and show true concern for my child. You can see it if you open your eyes.

Be wary of the yaya who keeps her distance from your child.

Only leave the yaya alone with the child without any supervision after you feel comfortable, and not before. If your mommy gut feel shows serious reservations — like there’s something wrong with the yaya — follow your gut feel and observe yaya even more.

3. Do NOT believe what the yaya tells you all the time. Trust only after it’s earned, NOT before.

Yayas will lie.

For example, when I was looking for yayas, I’ve had 3 applicants who told me that they would show up but didn’t.

Literally, you’ve already set the day and place and time of arrival, and for some reason or another, they do NOT show up. One yaya even showed me the photo of her packed belongings to show that she’s ready to start, but couldn’t because her child got sick.

It is useless to concern yourself about their excuses. Watch what they do, NOT what they say.

It is useless to argue with a yaya. If you see a yaya who do not do what they say, get rid of her and move on to the next applicant. If she can’t keep her word in the beginning, she will be like that in the future.

Stop worrying about useless things and just move on.

4. Terminate with pay if you don’t like them.

While it’s hard to find a yaya nowadays, you should not tolerate a yaya’s bad attitude and misbehavior just because you’re desperate.

Like for example, Yaya# 1, it was annoying for me that she asked for a rest day within 6 days of employment when it was clear from the get go when she should have her first rest day. I thought that she’s already taken care of the husband and her household before starting to work, but I guess I was wrong.

I was also okay with Yaya# 2’s leaving after she brought up her concern. She liked me, but she was not fit to be a yaya anyway. So as long as she carried out her 30-day notice period, I was fine with her leaving. In the end, I allowed her to leave at 11 days with pay, after I found my next yaya Zeny.

Make sure that you have them sign the voucher proving that they’ve received their last pay and a quitclaim. Here’s my quitclaim for your records. This is the QuitClaim – Generic word document.

Once they sign the quitclaim and get their last pay, exit them from your house swiftly.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you investigate their bags thoroughly and escort them out of your gate before letting them go. Accompany them when they leave your house.

Many yayas pack a separate bag and leave it by the gate. Once you check their bags, they then get this separate bag before leaving your house.

5. Repeat the process if necessary.

I have probably reviewed 30+ bio-data, interviewed more than 10 yayas and suffered many disappointments in a day before I found our Yaya Zeny.

Here were my notes on the initial few days — as you can see, finding a yaya takes a lot of time and effort:

These were the yayas I said no to after I interviewed them:

Like any endeavor, finding a yaya takes a lot of time and effort.

The biggest mistake any mother makes is to assume that you do NOT need to give a lot of effort, and a good yaya will come on its own.

“I will just wait for a referral para sigurado,” that mommy would say. They would pester you for referral and justify their lack of yayas by saying that all yayas are bad, and it’s better that she take care of her child na lang than to have a bad yaya.

Actually, there are many good yayas out there. You just have to go and look for them. If you do not make an effort, how can you find a yaya?

Years has passed and she alone is taking care of her child(ren) with no help in tow. Then she will just sigh and pat herself in the back for stepping up because no other yaya can take care of her daughter as well as she did.

I work. I don’t have that luxury. I need a yaya for my daughter. So I look and look. I make a career out of looking for a yaya.

As you can see from my notes, I put in the effort in looking for a yaya, scouring the Internet and agencies for them, interviewing them, and being disappointed when I don’t work out. I have good relationships with agencies since they also provide me with a good pool of yayas when I need them.

At the end of the day, I am almost always rewarded for my hard efforts. Thanks to God, barring Christmas season, I can usually find a yaya within a week of looking.

But that’s because I put in the effort.

Are you putting in the effort?

BONUS TIP: When you find a good yaya, take good care of them. The best way to find a good yaya is to not lose a good yaya.

I know in my heart that any yaya would be so lucky to start in my household.

We pay our yayas well. Treat them with respect. And are considerate of their needs without letting them be abusive of your kindness.

With us, they can really save money. Every yaya that came out from our employ always brought a lot more bags than they first arrived. Which is why our old yayas do ask to be taken back after they’ve left as follows:

Even though I was so desperate for a yaya, I didn’t ask her back. I tried to ask help from the agencies and scoured online to look for a new one.

And after many days of trying, we found our yaya.

I hope that this helps you in finding a good yaya for your child(ren). Good yayas are out there. All you do is have hope, make an effort, and try and try until you succeed.

Good luck Mommies!

10 Tips in Looking for a Yaya Online

As agencies have increased their fees to now Php 6,000 to Php 18,000 for every successful referral, there is a need to be more self-sufficient in finding yayas on our own.

“But I would rather wait to get a referral from someone I know,”  some mommies would say. “At least they can be trusted and not steal.”

Well, many mommies end up NOT having a yaya anymore, and end up taking care of their own kids themselves.

I don’t have that option. I work full time, and I need to take care of our business. I need a yaya, and am willing to do whatever means necessary to get a yaya, including opening myself up online.

Anyway, even the best yaya agencies source their yayas online. So why not if possible save on the fees and search online as well?

Over the last month, I have interviewed at least 10 serious applicants for the yaya position, hired 3 and browsed through at least 25 applicants. I am no expert, but at the end of this adventure, I have done more interviewing of yayas than I should in a lifetime.

Here are my tips in searching for a Yaya Online.

1. Hire someone who is at between 28 to 60 years old.

If the yaya is too young: If the yaya is only 17, you would need parental consent before allowing her to come and work for you.

If she is between 18 to 21, she is only coming to you for experience and really isn’t serious about working. My sister in law’s yaya is 18, and spends a lot of her evenings talking to her partner, making her always exhausted when working the next day.

Her last newborn yaya who was still looking for love got pregnant by the houseboy. The baby is expected to come out mid this year. Maricel only stayed for 1.5 months, got pregnant, and is not at home resting as she doesn’t want to work anymore.

If the yaya is too old: They tend to be slow, forgetful and sometimes stubborn. You have to be patient and repeat your instructions in a very clear manner. If they are wrong, you can’t shout at them, but have to talk to them in a still respectful manner.

Since I am looking for a yaya to my 3-year old daughter, I need someone who can keep up with her. This means that I cannot find a yaya who is too young (who will only look at the cellphone) or too old (who cannot run around with her).

It’s the Goldilocks principle. For yayas, you cannot get them too young, or too old. They have to be just the right age.

The right age varies from employer to employer. For me, it’s 28 years old to 55 years old.

At 28 years old, they have most likely had 1-2 kids from 1-2 different fathers, so they’re less likely to have more children since the realities of taking care of a lot of kids are more real to them.

A yaya in her 30s are already more serious in finding a job for keeps since she has mouths to feed and she understands that her husband’s income is insufficient in providing for her family. She works because she loves her kids. If she doesn’t work, her family would starve.

2. Sorry, just a personal preference, but I want a yaya who is not too pretty or sexy.

This is unacceptable for us — yayas who post sexy photos on Facebook.

This means that if the yayas post photos of herself showing off her legs, boobs or tattoos, I am no longer interested in them.

We live in an area where there are a lot of construction workers, traffic enforcers and security guards, all of which try to get in our yaya’s pants whenever possible, despite being married and having kids. That’s just the way it is.

Our previous yaya was fired because she was dating the married traffic enforcer in our area while on duty. I caught her the second time having tryst with the traffic enforcer in a darkened area before firing her.

Stories of the driver or the houseboy dating and impregnating the yayas are too common in their own good.

To make it safe for everyone, I choose yayas who are not that attractive. Just my personal preference, if her photo includes of her in a spaghetti strap, she’s off my list.

Yes, this applicant was applying to be a yaya in our household. She is way too pretty to be a yaya. 🙂

3. I hire people who are actually unemployed. Meaning, they are not looking of transferring employers while still employed with the others. I don’t hire yayas who are still employed with others. 

I had applicants who applied with me while still being employed with others. Their reason for switching?

• Higher salary which is understandable.
• Not liking their current employers because of (insert reason here).
• Complaining about their current work.
• The best? “I only stay here because I am merely tolerating my boss. In fact, I have wanted to switch ever since.”
• Gee… if you are like that to your current boss, then how will you be when you switch? Will you snitch on me too?
• Among other reasons…

There are cases when the complaints are valid. If you have been in a household for years and are still paid peanuts, YOU SHOULD LEAVE.

But on many cases, the complaints stem from a yaya who is unsatisfied with her lot. It is a red flag for me that this yaya has a tendency to complain despite knowing what she was getting into in the first place.

This is because salary, benefits and work conditions are usually disclosed to the yaya during interview. Before they start, a yaya should ask all questions necessary to ensure that they know what they are getting themselves in. In other words, Pinili mo yan (You chose your fate). Hence, you should barring extreme circumstances, enjoy your lot instead of endlessly complaining about it.

In my personal opinion, I prefer yayas who actually like the situation they bring themselves in. I don’t like yayas who keep on complaining about their situation especially since it was their choice to enter these situations in the first place.

A leopard never really changes her spots.

If they complain there, they will also complain once they are in my household. And I don’t want the peace in our household be destroyed because of one yaya’s discontent.

In addition, I also don’t choose these women who are still employed with others because of delicadeza. This means that just because I am in desperate need, I would pirate another person’s yaya and cause her misery in looking for a replacement.

There are still many applicants who need jobs out there. Would rather pick someone else than to harm another household because of my own dire need.

4. I hire yayas who are okay with my conditions namely:

1. Rest days two days (48 hours a month) a month: I do NOT agree if the yaya wants weekly rest days. Nothing wrong with weekly rest days, but having them leave every week is a hassle and a security risk for me. Please note that I pay for the two rest days not taken, which is in accordance with the Kasambahay Law.
2. No emergency rest days. We follow the schedule of two rest days per month. Anything above that is a no, except if someone died. Before hiring the yaya, I always ask them if they have their family affairs in order. I do not hire anyone who will disappear from work whenever there’s a family emergency because this means they are unreliable. I also like yayas who return on time from their rest days.
3. No cash advance or bale while under my employ: This is a big one. I have had yayas who backed out after hearing this rule. Bale or cash advance is a big problem in hiring Filipinos. Because they can’t budget their money properly, they always tend to borrow money from their employers, leaving them on a continuous cycle of indebtedness. I tell my yayas I will never lend them money. If someone dies in their family, I will give her family, but save on a death, I will not help out since I pay her a lot of money and on time.
4. No cellphone on duty hours: Many Filipinos cannot let go of their cellphones or Facebook. My rule indicates that they can only cellphone when my child is asleep. Many don’t like this.
5. They eat when we eat: We provide three meals and more a day, but I don’t like yayas who are more particular with food than we are.
6. They are okay with being an all around, which is already disclosed to in the ad. This means, I don’t like yayas who only want to take care of the kid and nothing else. Since I pay 50% more than minimum, I do want the yaya to also care about the general surroundings and do the laundry (via WASHING MACHINE) once the clothes need washing. I put this clause in because I don’t want our yaya to be maarte. 
7. No to padala pamasahe. With so many scammers in the Philippines, I don’t want to problematize about sending money to applicants who never plan to show up. If they want work, they will always find a way to come to you (I will reimburse the travel expense AFTER they arrive) with complete requirements.

These conditions already filter out many applicants. But since I only need one and they are joining my household, I would rather filter out those who are maarte, mareklamo and have many family issues instead of accepting them and then being disappointed later on.

5. I don’t hire yayas who don’t post their own faces on Facebook.

This is a photo of a Facebook applicant for yaya:

Lord help me if she really looks like that. She should be an actress, not a yaya.

If the yaya cannot be honest with who she is on social media, she may be hiding something, and I don’t want to consider yayas who don’t reveal anything about themselves.

6. I don’t hire yayas who frequently updates her status and post on Facebook. 

If I check their Facebook page and see that the yaya is always updating on Facebook, I don’t interview her anymore.

There are yayas who update their status every day, every half a day, with selfies and post about their random thoughts. This means, their phones are always by their side and they are very busy being active on social media.

Since one of my rules is to only use the cellphone during off duty or when the baby is sleeping, I don’t think hiring someone who is always on Facebook will work for us.

7. I also don’t like it when a yaya posts photos of herself and her alaga. Or photos of her in her employer’s house. 

It’s not her house or her kid. She should not post photos of what isn’t hers on social media. It’s not right, and in the Philippines, can be quite dangerous.

So when I see a yaya applicant posting her photo that features her employer’s house, child, car or belongings, I don’t even consider hiring her anymore.

8. I don’t hire yayas who have a bad record online.

I check out whether she has been blacklisted on other maids groups as a scammer or a maid with a bad record. I check her name out on Bad Maids PH Facebook group to see if she has been previously employed by someone before.

Checking online of their status have saved many employers a lot of future grief. For example, an agency referred to me a yaya who sounded decent on the phone. She was 4 years old, single, and was well experienced as a yaya.

Later, when checking online, someone gave me the feedback that not only does this yaya suffer from a bad attitude, she also had sexy photos of hers posted online!

These were her actual photos posted on Facebook for everyone to see!

My gosh, makati pala! Even I do not have the gall or strength to post a photo of myself on a swimsuit online, and here in an applicant who is open to showing on what she looks like to everyone who wishes to see.

And to those who are wondering, these are her real photos. Not Photoshopped. The agency said that these were her bikini photos from Boracay. Uhhhh….

Thank goodness for the Interet. If I didn’t ask for feedback, we would have ended up with a yaya who would give us many problems later on.

9. I hire yayas who have an acceptable record of leaving their previous employers properly. 

Many yayas, like mine, leave their employer without proper notice. Many simply go on a rest day and never come back, insisting that they left their employer because of (insert yaya reason here).

It doesn’t matter if the employer was masungit or abusive. What’s important is that the yaya leaves with grace, and with proper notice.

If they left an employer without giving a proper goodbye, they would do the same to me too. And given that I had been a victim of such yaya before, I do not want to have such experience repeated again.

Hence, I listen very closely when asking the question, “Why do you leave your previous employer?”

If they give me an answer that shows they are malabong kausap, then I move on to the next interviewee.

10. I only hire yayas who show WORD OF HONOR. They have to show up on the agreed schedule. They don’t lie on the interview. In short, they do what they say. 

My previous yaya told me that she didn’t even finish high school even though the yaya she was replacing was a college undergrad.

I appreciated the honesty and told her there was nothing to be embarrassed about. She turned out to be a pretty decent yaya for my daughter until she wasn’t.

I like yayas who tell you as it is. No lying, no twisting of the truth, no drama. One yaya told us that her first husband was dead, even though he wasn’t really. That was bad.

Since they are joining our household, we have to choose people who is similar like us. My husband says we like to surround our people who is not malabong kausap (which means we hate people who don’t do what they say).

Hence, we have declined the services of a yaya who keep on moving their starting date. Bago pa lang, ganun na. 

This was a yaya who didn’t show up as agreed because she claimed her son was sick. It would have been more believable if she didn’t text me the day before asking me to postpone her start date since her daughter wanted her to get her report card in school.

I didn’t take her anymore.

Sure, maybe it means having a yaya starting later, but at least, weeding out those who are unreliable will keep us more sane in the long run.

SUMMARY

Yes, it’s very hard to find a yaya in the Philippines. Even at a higher salary, I still experienced difficulty in finding a yaya myself. There is reason for agencies to exist. It’s not just to profit off employers, but to also save employers from the type of stress and frustration I’ve experienced this month.

Many employers have already given up from finding a suitable yaya for them.

The group that asks for referrals now number more than 1000 and yet, so many are left yaya-less. Many mothers choose to give up their jobs because they cannot find suitable help.

Personally, I can’t stand inactivity.

I don’t believe accepting my fate that I should be left yayaless since yaya left us last December. If I cannot find a yaya, I would have to take care of our child, and our business and my staff will suffer. Since we can afford a yaya, we should have one. Hence, not having a yaya is unacceptable for me.

So now, we have one. Zeny started just last Sunday, and she’s still alive as of today.

I hope she’s finally the yaya I am looking for. If not, we will look for someone else again.

Ahhhhh… that is life.

Anyway, hope my tips will help you find a yaya of your own. Good luck to all of us, and may the right yaya enter our employ.

 

 

Why We Brought our Toddler to the Dentist

This month, our 2 year old daughter cleaned her teeth at our neighboring dentist.

This is the third time she’s visited the dentist for cleaning. Luckily, she was docile and kept still for most of the cleaning.

“Why would you bring her to the dentist?” my father-in-law scoffed. “All her baby teeth will eventually fall off!”

I know dental hygiene for babies may sound silly but here are four good reasons why I bring my daughter to the dentist.

1. This allows baby to get comfortable with the dentist.

Imagine never bringing your child to the dentist till he’s 5. He’s never sat on the dentist chair and some stranger has to tinker with his teeth. At certain times, it hurts…. a lot.

The child will scream bloody murder!

Who could blame the child?

Starting a child early makes him/her more comfortable and lets him/her see the dentist as the friend than a bringer of pain.

2. Prevention is better than the cure: General cleaning is better than complex dental work due to bad dental hygiene

It is less expensive and less painful to clean your teeth. Personally, I didn’t really have good dental hygiene as a child. So going to the dentist has always been a traumatic experience for me.

Everytime I go, it’s only because I have cavities or need to have my teeth pulled. Visits are expensive and scary since every time I go, more complex dental work need to be done.

I wouldn’t have such traumatic experience if I went more often. The dentist can work on my teeth before it gets worse.

3. Bad teeth = ugly child

I don’t want my child to get laughed at. But children will be laughed at if they have bad teeth.

I don’t want mu child to suffer from low self esteem. If other kids laugh at my daughter because of her bad teeth, this will make her think that she’s ugly or deficient even though she’s not.

That’s what happens when you let your baby teeth go, eventually, it is what the other kids remember and they will still remember that even when your baby teeth get replaced.

We don’t really wish our child to be ugly, so off the the dentist she goes.

4. I want her to feel that dental hygiene is important.

Habits start today. If we don’t start now, when will we start?

How about you? When will you send your kids to the dentist? Comments appreciated!

Upbringing Makes a Difference

I talked about the Big Bad Wolf Booksale the other day. We were all having a ball scouring through rows and rows of books. My 2 year old daughter kept on putting books to the pushcart while my poor mother and her yaya was putting them back.

I had a small realisation: While we were so excited in finding good books for my daughter, her yaya was bored. Real bored.

This was so different during the Toy Sale when she was also scouring through the different offerings in the hopes of buying her 7 year old daughter the latest Barbie or teddy bear at discounted prizes. During the Toy Sale, she was even more excited than us, and even borrowed money just to do her purchase.

I realized how our priorities are different. Yaya was so gungho in buying her daughter the latest toys and gadgets. I pour the same amount of energies to buying books for my daughter.

Here is her bookcase months ago. She has a lot mote books now. Daughter is super spoiled when it comes to books.

I think it’s these little details that make big differences in a child’s brain. While one cannot control a child’s intelligence or personality too much (we can blame genetics for that), we can however guide our child to what we think is the right direction.

For me, it’s teaching my toddler a love of learning and reading. It’s to appreciate storytelling, expand her imagination, and for her to know that when it comes to books, her Mommy’s purse is open.

My daughter can identify letters from the age of 2. She can count from one to 20. Her vocabulary has expanded. I have her school to thank for that.

To be honest, I realised yaya doesn’t read. During her spare time, she listens to music, check Facebook or call her relatives. Consequently her daughter most likely doesn’t like to read too… not if her toys and gadgets are available.

I want my children to read. I want them to love the written world. I want them to go bonkers on booksales over toy fairs. I want them to treasure studying. That’s why I invest in books. In early learning. This is the difference upbringing makes.

These are the little things that make me happy. It also made me realize that parents must do our part to ensure our kids love to learn, and the way we do it is to expose them as much as possible to books and learning at a young age, so that they will welcome these tools with love as they grow up.

So how about you? Will you invest in a new ipad for your kids? Or books? Hope it’s the latter, because a love for the written word is one of the best things we can teach our child.

Have a good week everyone!

“Nakupit”

I asked my husband the English translation of the Filipino word, “Kupit.”

“There’s actually no accurate English translation,” he said. “But it’s like getting pregnant out of wedlock.”

That’s actually not a good translation. For me, nakupit means to be caught in a net. To be deceived and as a result, was given no choice.

 

This is what happens to so many men in particular.

They are casually dating a woman, having sex with them like rabbits. They don’t take this woman seriously, but still continue to see them because the milk is free.

I have a lot of friends like that.

When I ask him, “How are you and (girlfriend’s name)?” they will answer, “Oh, we are trudging along. We’re just having a good time.”

When I implore him for more information, he would say, “I’m just enjoying life at the moment. I don’t want anything serious… and she knows that.”

Half a year later…..

SHE’S PREGNANT!!!!!!!

Oh my gosh.

This is the time we say, “Nakupit ang lalake.” 

The woman tells the man that she is pregnant. At first, there is disbelief on how the heck she managed to get pregnant when they have been so careful in using protection.

Here’s some news for you, There’s no way it was an accidental pregnancy.

If the girl got pregnant, she knew she was going to get pregnant soon enough, and she did so in the hopes that makupit yung guy.

Women do this a lot. In Taiwan, women used to poke holes in condoms in the hopes of getting “accidentally” pregnant because she wants her playboy boyfriend to settle down with her. While women are still interchangeable when they are single, it’s hard to replace them when they are the mother of your child.

My friend M did that. She was dating a Filipino-Chinese man R and they have had an on-off relationship for months. M is a former model/escort while R was a man of means.

During their breakups and makeups, R cannot stop having sex with M. Stupidly, he believed that she was using protection and didn’t want to get pregnant. That was a laugh.

A few months of constant sex got M pregnant.

R was forced to house her. He bought her a DMCI condominium and had to take care of her while she was pregnant with his child. He still wanted to be free and date around, but technically he is stuck since he got his on-off girlfriend pregnant.

She gave birth last December and R is miserable.

He knows he is stuck but he doesn’t know what to do. In other words, “nakupit siya,” stuck with a woman who was supposed to just be a casual fling, but turned out to be a snake whom he cannot easily get rid of.

My mother’s driver E got his girlfriend pregnant. Ironically, his girlfriend also works in my brother’s firm.

Their relationship has come to the point that his girlfriend was so needy and controlling that E was feeling shackled. He wanted out from the relationship, and would feel irritated whenever he sees her calling.

Then she got pregnant.

Here you go again.

Now, he’s stuck with her.

He can’t dump her while she’s carrying his child without looking like an ass. However, the relationship isn’t really working out and they’re fighting everyday, and yet, they’re now stuck to each other for life because of their child.

Big sigh.

The woman is the b*tch and isn’t a great partner. However he’s stuck now with her because he foolishly believed she won’t get pregnant by choice.

WRONG!

Sigh — so many men get caught with this mistake. And yet, they keep on making the same mistake over and over again. He deludes himself into thinking that if the relationship isn’t working, the woman would rather not get pregnant. He fools himself into thinking that she is smart enough to not want kids when the relationship in trouble.

Quite the opposite: When the woman feels that the relationship is ending, she gets pregnant to ensure its continuity. To keep a man, or at least increase the chance of keeping a man, get pregnant.

Which is why, there are so many pregnancies in the Philippines.

How about you? Do you agree with the concept of kupit? How do you translate kupit to English?

When Your Baby is a Picky Eater

Karma really is a b*tch…

Last year, people were asking for advice on what to do when their baby is a picky eater.

My baby, who was super fat at that time, did NOT have this problem. Just by exclusively feeding on my breastmilk alone, baby was considered obese and was scaling at the 96th percentile in terms of weight.

So, my haughty advice for fellow mothers was, if their babies don’t want to eat, then they could just let the babies be.

Anyway, babies being babies will NOT starve to death. When they are hungry, they will find food.

In other words, if baby don’t want to eat…

Ironically, as soon as my baby started to eat solids, her appetite and her weight started falling down.

All she eats now for example is corn, nuts, beans, and a little bit of noodle/pasta.

She refuses to eat when fed. In fact, she would rather be self-fed.

We oftentimes have to convince him to eat or we turn off her TV.

In other words, what I used to chide other parents with, are now the same problems I deal with. Karma is truly a bitch, is it not?

Ha ha ha. Now the joke is on me.

Baby is still alive now, albeit thinner.

Till then, we will just serve her with what she likes. Good thing she likes brocolli!

Tag Along Baby

My husband is fixing the zamboni machine at an ice skating rink in an SM mall. 

We bring along our daughter with us. We picked her up from home and bring her along with us. At present, she is just walking around and trying to keep herself busy. Given her age, she finds the white polar bears interesting.

My parents always brought us with them when we were young. After school, they’ll pick us up and we will tag along with them wherever they’ll go.

We would go with them during business meetings. Even when my dad plays mahjong, my brother and I will be in the other room with my mother, doing our homeworks or watching VCDs. 

It’s nice to see that we’re doing the same thing with our own offspring. 

We bring her to the office everyday since she was 1 month old. By the time she was 4 months old, she’s been to more than 20 malls around Metro Manila. 

But I like it. 

When I see her much exposed to various experiences, it makes me happy. I feel that I am reliving my parents’ footsteps.

And I liked how I turned out.

How about you? Does your child accompany you often? What are your beliefs in child rearing?

Parenting = Being the Bad Guy

Yesterday, we had to admit my daughter into the hospital.

She’s had on and off fever for three days straight, and her white blood cells are a high 38,000 count. The average count for white blood cells for babies her age is just a mere 15,000.

Last night, she’s had an x-ray, results of which were normal, and had her IV inserted. It’s terrible too her crying like a banshee for 15 to 20 minutes as the resident doctor struggles to put the IV in.

Every time she sees her IV, she cries. Loudly. It’s enough to break any mother’s heart.

But the IV is a necessary evil. Since her appetite has dropped, the IV is the one that’s giving her sustenance. What’s more, it’s how the antibiotics are given. Without the IV, we would have to prick her more than necessary.

I talk about the IV because my daughter hates it. She keeps on saying “Bye Bye” to anyone who would listen because she’s tired of the hospital and wants to go home.

Do I want to punish my daughter? No.

Does it bring me joy to see her thrash around, cry and scream and struggle? No.

Do I want to keep her in the hospital longer than we should? No.

But we need to admit her in the hospital. We need to put the IV in and we give her antibiotics. We know she hates where she is right now, but we force her to stay because it’s for her own good. If she doesn’t stay in the hospital, she won’t get well. Her fever might get worse and goodness knows what will happen.

And I think that’s what parenting is…

Parenting is making tough decisions on behalf of your child. Children hate it when parents say, “It’s for your own good!” But if you really think about it, this is true.

We don’t do things to please our children. We don’t go and ask them what they want to happen. They’re kids.

More often than not, they don’t have the experience, the means or the maturity to make the right decisions. For example, if you ask my 17 month old daughter what she wants, she would want to go home.

She would not want the needles and the IV nor would she want to stay in the hospital and undergo tests.

But if she went home, what will happen to her? Will she get better? Of course not. In fact, shell just get worse.

So we keep her here in the hospital, against her wishes. And we shut our ears from her loud cries and keep her in her IV.

And she’s very miserable about it.

But what can we do? Sure, as good parents, we want them to be happy but parenting involves making unpopular decisions for the good of our children.

We are not their friends. We are their parents. And we do things for their own good even if they hate us.

So as our kids get older, I will remember the time my daughter is helplessly stuck in the hospital getting antibiotics to heal her.

I will remember this when she doesn’t want to study and want to go out with her friends to the mall.

I will remember this when she wants to do an overnight with her barkada.

I will remember this when she wants to date somebody who I believe isn’t good for her.

I will remember this when she makes a decision that isn’t good for her.

And I will tell her, firmly, no.

And that it’s for her own good.

Sure, my decision might be wrong and she may hate me, but I can live with that than to support her as she make big mistakes. I will keep to my principles but be open to her trying to change my mind. I will change my mind if I think there’s reason to do so, and not because she said so.

Most parents will not agree. Permissive parenting is popular nowadays. Parents want kids to be happy and are supportive even though they think their kids are making the wrong decisions.

Not me, I’ll stick to my guns and wait to be persuaded otherwise. Because I love her and want the best for her. And I want her to be truly happy, and that involves making the right life decisions.

Have a great weekend!